Here’s to Strong Women: May we be them, may we raise them with Deb Wertz

Malini Sarma 0:01

Hey, good

morning, Deb. I'm so happy to have you on the show.

Deb Wertz 0:05

Thanks so much for having me. Oh, you're very welcome. Okay,

Malini Sarma 0:09

so, um, I, I have, we've talked before, and I've heard your story, and I'm sure there are lots of other women who would, who could kind of relate because we've all been in similar situations had similar upbringing. So why don't you talk about, you know, how your upbringing was when you're surrounded pretty much in a male dominated household and how that kind of conditioned your way of thinking in you know where you are today. So do you want to just start off with, you know, your initial your initial years being pretty much brought up in a in a household full of brothers?

Deb Wertz 0:47

Yes, actually, I have. I have four brothers, but I only grew up with one of them. Okay. And but the the environment in both of the houses It was the 70s. And it was very the women have this, this kind of role. And the men have this role. And a lot of the women that like the moms didn't work, and they were just like, kind of, oh, let's go sit by the pool and, and it was terrible because they were all they were also bored all the time. That was just my impression, even as a kid, they just their lives her well, in a way they were they were kind of empty, but that was just the expectation nobody had. It wasn't even Oh, I want to get a job. That was just their role is was just to stay home and, and, and with the you know, the fathers went to work and, and, and like my my father, I grew up with my mom and my stepfather and my dad is in a very male dominated industry. He has his own business and it's a They sell high performance auto parts and they build race engines. And my stepfather that I grew up with, he was a carpenter. So again, like very only men in these industries, and they, to this day have these attitudes about women and I love my dad dearly, don't get me wrong, and we get along great now, but put a pin in that, um, that because that was a journey,

Malini Sarma 2:28

right? But, but with

Deb Wertz 2:30

like my, my stepfather, it never even occurred to him to teach me how to swing a hammer or anything about his own industry, because while that was just something guys did, right. And those rules even in school, whether it was we try I, I teach math at the college level right now, and it's a big push in the industry to get girls involved in math and in science, but But back to In back when I was growing up, nobody pushed that. Mm hmm. In school, it was just like nobody expected girls to go into into math and sciences. It's like, it was very rare to see a female lawyer or a doctor like girls, girls were nurses if they wanted to go in or a teacher, right? Yeah. Or they were a teacher. Yeah, absolutely. And, again, that was just the the culture, right. And I remember one time, my dad had asked me, I was in high school, and he said, Oh, would you help me? type of estimates because my handwriting is terrible. Mm hmm. Sure. And somebody's doing it. And I started questioning things he did. What did you really mean to say this? And as he started to get to know what he was doing, and he's like, Oh, you're right. Yeah. I didn't mean to write that. And he's like, well, you're really you're really good at this. You're going to make somebody a good Secretary someday.

Malini Sarma 3:59

Yeah.

Deb Wertz 4:00

And, and even then I turned around and I said to him, I said, No, I'm going to have a secretary one day.

Malini Sarma 4:06

Right? Right.

Deb Wertz 4:09

And, and it was a similar kind of situation I ended up on all of my my brothers and I, at some point works with my dad in the auto parts store. And I worked there for eight years. And, and I actually was in my, my dad and I and the bookkeeper. And a couple of the people were all like, in the same room, and my my dad, and we were at, like, we would fight all the time. Because, again, he just saw me as this little girl who is Oh, you just sit there and do your typing and whatever and, and, like I did so many different things to help him in his business and I learned so many aspects of the business, but his attitude towards me was that well, because you've never built an engine. You can't understand my business. Right? Right. And I'm like, No, I don't really think that that's true. Because you have people working on your counter that yes, of course, they know more about cars and, and more, or they know more about cars than I do as far as the nuts and bolts and what manifold to sell somebody, right. But I still knew as far as the business, I was a very good business person. Mm hmm. And I still knew a lot. And so when it came time to Oh, let's start grooming people for the next generation when he and his partners wanted to retire. It was always your going to be an instrumental part in in helping them something again, that Secretary will write and, and it was really a like a sticking point that he wouldn't even consider offering me a position. He wouldn't even consider offering me becoming a partner and being one of the people who bought his business

Malini Sarma 5:57

right. Did you ever fight for that or you just kind of let it go?

Deb Wertz 6:01

Oh, no, we had definitely conversations about it. And and again, he just he didn't agree. And and even to this day, we can't even really talk about it our relationship has has mended. And he respects me for all the accomplishments that I've done on my own business, and he was a very good advisor. I needed to go to him for something and super supportive, proud of everything I've done now. But we still can't even go back and talk those days. Would you know about like, why you wouldn't consider me to be and because he doesn't even see it, he realized that the only reason that he didn't consider that was because I'm a girl. Right? Right. And you just and after a while, you have to I had to just let it go. Right. You couldn't change his mind. I mean, I don't think that in those days and that age, you know, I don't think they ever paid attention to anything girl said. Because it was like No, definitely not. Yeah, and he doesn't know even see the the bias that he has even now? Yeah, yeah, even though he's new like I said he's a wonderful person and good and loving and and love them like crazy but when it comes to things like that he's just blind to it.

Malini Sarma 7:14

So then what happened after you know, you spent all that time in the auto parts store what happened after

Deb Wertz 7:20

it? Well it got to a point where

it got a little crazy because my my father had three of the partners, but two of them worked back in the machine shop. So his other partner Jimmy, who was somebody that you know that your father's friends that you called your air quotes Uncle Uncle, right? Yeah, like you've known them forever, like, well, it's like he was my father's partner. And I actually got really close to him and he, my father would would drive him crazy for different reasons. And but he saw the what was going on as far as the dynamic between father and daughter, and, and he would try and like run interference a little bit. And he would be the person that I would go to, to,

Unknown Speaker 8:11

to vent. Okay,

Deb Wertz 8:12

when things were getting really bad, but then Jimmy got lung cancer. Oh, and it was two years of all and this is also my father's best one of my father's best friends. So we all watched him because we were all working together. We all spent two years watching Jimmy die of lung cancer. And it was hard on everybody and and my dad just tried to go move forward with it. But again, men of that generation are not in touch with their emotions. Nope. And so I try to from the back end support him and do some of the things like as Jimmy got really sick and couldn't even come in anymore. I start to take on like some more responsibilities and whatnot and it was very much taken for granted. And and just The more I did and the more that it wasn't recognized, not that it needs somebody to pat me on the back and say add a girl, right? But it just it got to be awkward because he we were kind of we were fighting more. Right and and he didn't see that how much I he just didn't see how much I was I was helping and and with Jimmy not being there as the buffer anymore, right? It was getting really bad. But I and I was stuck. Because I felt like if I like it was healthy for me to leave. Mm hmm. But I didn't want to leave my dad because he was going through a lot. And so what ended up happening is I started having very big panic attacks. And it got to the point where I could barely even leave my house. Okay, and I was and I wasn't going to work. Right. And that was I always say that panic attacks are the things that free me because if I'm not dealing with my issues That's well I I've learned other coping skills since then. But back then back when I was like turning 30 and everything was hitting the fan, including this because this will happen just as I was turning 30 Okay, that milestone birthday.

Unknown Speaker 10:16

But

Deb Wertz 10:18

what ended up happening is the panic attack saved me because they pulled me out of the situation. And I realized that the world wasn't going to like the business was not going to fall apart without me there. And and I knew he was going to be mad and feel betrayed when I left. But I had to write and, and anyway he was he was initially but I said to him, I'll come back and I'll train anybody as much as as need be. And once he saw that, then he just he let me go and our relationship then could heal.

Malini Sarma 10:50

Okay, that was good. You had to do it for your own self preservation.

Deb Wertz 10:53

Oh, absolutely. Yes. Okay. So then what happened after that? Um, I I ended up going back to a company that I was I had worked for right after college. And that was, um, I liked the atmosphere there, like the people, but it was really a type of place where they expected, like if you wanted to get promoted at that place, had to work at least 60 hours a week. Wow. And it was like to come in at nine o'clock was to come in late, late. No, that was your start time. Right. It was

Malini Sarma 11:31

back there on time. You're late. Yeah.

Deb Wertz 11:33

Yeah, definitely. It became like a competition. It's like who could get there? Who could get there earlier? Because then then it's like, oh, well, that person then would be considered promotable. And it was a, it was it was, again, not a healthy situation. And yeah, and I, I just I, I like to work and so I tend to tended to gravitate to places where I would just be working, working, working, working and then they There's nothing else right? So then when I was going to get married, I was going to move that got me out of out of that job situation too. Right? Yeah. And I ended up having kids and then going back to school, which brought me to to teaching math to where I am now. In the process of that. In 2010, I was offered an opportunity to to buy a yoga studio, which which I did. And that was definitely a I always felt like it was very natural with with business when I was in college. They asked me to to manage this ice cream shop. That was like nobody went to and and, and I looked at it and I said Well, that's because they're the signs are all wrong like Yeah. And why like during finals week, how is there no ice cream like? They sold Haagen dazs ice cream that was like the rage back then. Okay, and, and, and like there was never anything like people who come in and they'd be like, Oh, do you have this? It's like, Well, no. And I'm like, wow, I wonder how much we could sell if we actually had inventory. And we were actually opened consistently, right? If all the signs the signs showed everything that we had, and, and it was amazing because the sales increased like 300%. And they were like, wow, you're a miracle worker. And I'm like, No, this is just common sense.

Malini Sarma 13:25

Right? Right. Sometimes you need somebody from the outside come in and tell them because there's so deep that they can't even see.

Deb Wertz 13:31

Yeah, yeah. And it's like getting back to the fundamentals. And that's what ended up happening with the yoga studio. The woman that owned it, she had founded it, and she did great. She was a great yoga teacher. And people just flock to her it was all word of mouth and she was the first person to say I'm not a good business person. She literally it was the honor system. She had a box in the back of the studio on a table and and she had like six angles and fives and whatever. And you just went in and you made you put your 20 in and you made your own change. It was just and if somebody didn't pay, you would never know. Wow, as

Malini Sarma 14:12

you say, so for you business just comes naturally. I mean, you look at a situation, you look where they're failing, you look at what needs to be fixed, and you go and fix it. And next thing you turn around, and then they'd made a 300% you know, change from what it used to be, right? Yes. And

Deb Wertz 14:26

that's what ended up happening also with the yoga studio because she ended up she ended up getting a divorce. And so now she's working at UPS because now she needs health insurance. And she's going out with her with her girlfriends because now she's a single girl. And suddenly like because she's not putting anything she's not teaching teaching as much. And it's she starts farming it out to other people. And now they're like, the domain for the website expired for two years. There was no there was no website. She stopped there. She had little pieces of paper that had the schedule, like when people were teaching and and after a while she got bored with, with doing, you know, with like having the schedules there. So there were no schedules. And so nobody knew when anybody was teaching it was just kind of word of mouth if you knew Aaron, oh, well then, you know, our teaches Tuesdays and Thursday nights, but other than that, it was just a free for all

Malini Sarma 15:23

that That's no way to run a business now if you want to make money anyway.

Deb Wertz 15:26

No, absolutely not. And, and they were just they, God bless these teachers because they put up with the fact that she would get six months behind on payroll. Wow. And then she would catch up to be four months behind and then she would get six months behind. Right? And she literally had no sign outside her studio. It was just that everybody knew that there was a yoga studio there like

Malini Sarma 15:49

so now this was like 10 years ago, like this

Deb Wertz 15:51

is 2010 and finally she decided I'm done. Okay. And and I bought the studio knowing that I basically bought them mailing list.

Malini Sarma 16:00

Okay, that's, that's that's usually the key in every business. It's your customers.

Deb Wertz 16:06

Yes. Because I knew that I knew a lot of the people having been a student there and teaching there for about the last year. I knew that if I could just get the people back in and put, like a good spread of classes together that that people would come back if I just put like a sign on the side of the building and build a website. And and I did.

Malini Sarma 16:26

Wow. And and so you based on your skills, you were able to turn that around, too, right?

Deb Wertz 16:31

Yes, yes, definitely. Okay.

Malini Sarma 16:34

And then what happened? So did you still keep it? Did you sell it after? How long did you have the studio for?

Deb Wertz 16:40

I kept the studio for five years. And I built it up to the point where I had 15 employees. And it got to it got to a point where it was a full time job for me but it only had it only had a part time income. Okay. It was the the type of industry where everybody that was that owned a studio in my area either had another job. And they just kind of did this on the side. And or they had they had a spouse, right that had that had a full time job that said, Oh, yeah, we have the money, you can go ahead and do that. Right.

Malini Sarma 17:20

So there's just like, something to do on the side, a side hustle, basically, but not for somebody who wanted to use that as their main income.

Deb Wertz 17:27

Yeah, it wasn't a plausible business model to do that. So I ended up selling the business. I sold it for six times what I paid for it, and it's it's still it's still there today, and everybody already knows the name and but it was time for me to do other things. I had bigger and better things that I wanted to accomplish. Okay,

Malini Sarma 17:50

so, um, so let's talk about a little bit about, you know, we were talking about, you know, raising daughters, right. So you were saying

Unknown Speaker 17:57

that,

Malini Sarma 17:58

you know, you What was your first feeling when when you found out that you weren't expecting and you knew or having a girl.

Deb Wertz 18:04

She's the oldest right? She is my oldest and and I had convinced myself that I was having a boy. And when I found out that I was having a girl, I, I honestly went home and cried. Because I had this image that like, I for the longest time, I didn't even want to have kids because I felt like I didn't want to bring them into I was brought up to to think my mother was very anxious. Anxiety tends to run through the generations. And she just tried she spent so much energy trying to convince me that the world was a dangerous place. Oh, this is what happens when girls hitchhike and

Malini Sarma 18:47

Yeah, yep, all the things you shouldn't be going out alone. Don't dress like that. Don't look,

Deb Wertz 18:52

boys. Yeah, exactly. Just be afraid, be afraid, be afraid. And I and I did I internalized A lot of that and I was afraid that, that I was bringing a girl into this world and I and she was going to be super vulnerable. Because I mean, I'm, I'm five two and and I have to had to face the harsh reality that if if I'm walking someplace at night, I'm walking on a path and somebody wants to pull me into the bushes, and they're bigger than I am. It's it's hard to fight them off. It's hard to imagine that I would be able to fight them off. I mean, I'm a tough girl. So I would, I would give them give it my best shot trying. But I was afraid to bring a girl into that situation because I didn't want her to have to be vulnerable like that. Because I've grown up with all my experiences. That's what I've learned that being a girl meant to be vulnerable. Okay, and but so what changed what when I stopped and thought about it, because now I had to face this I had to look it in the face. There was no going back

Unknown Speaker 20:00

I really

Deb Wertz 20:03

and when I thought hard about it, I realized as much as that was what was told to me that was what the paradigm supposedly was. I didn't personally feel vulnerable. I felt like I was like a very tough cookie. I had, like, I had like, I was in like relationships where people were the the guy would say him to his friends in front of me. I would we they were talking about domestic violence. I would never hit her. She would hit me hit me back. She could, she could take me I would never touch her. And and I realized, I'm like, I'm not weak. I'm the opposite of weak. Why can't I bring a girl into this world and teach her to be a strong girl, right? And to not have all these fears? Right? And my daughter's 20 now And really, that's that's what I've done and I'm super proud of her I remember her being in fifth grade, she, she wanted to in the worst way to go to this gymnastics sleepaway camp. And it was a week and it was in Pennsylvania. I'm in New York. And her dad and I were like, he was a second grade, like, Wait till you're older. And then finally in, in fifth grade, she she went, and she spent the whole weekend, and they weren't allowed to have any electronics. So we couldn't text her. Hey, how's it going? And at the end,

when we went to pick her up on Saturday,

she's like, I loved this. It was great. I can't wait to go back next year. And she had gone with. She had gone with one of her friends and then the next year came around and she wasn't friends with that girl anymore. And we said, well, do you still want to go you really have nobody to go with? And she said,

Of course I want to go she says I'll just go there and I'll meet people what why would

Malini Sarma 21:54

I not go save a very different mindset from when we were growing up or like Oh, if you don't know anybody You shouldn't go because you're exactly alone. And yeah,

Deb Wertz 22:04

I was just so I was just so impressed with her. She's like, Who cares? I'll just go and meet people when I get

it. I'm like, I wouldn't be you when I grow up. Yeah. Yeah.

Malini Sarma 22:15

I mean, I've noticed that too. I think the next generation is much stronger, bolder, you know, and it probably has to do with, you know, raising strong young women. So I think I should be proud of that.

Deb Wertz 22:26

Absolutely. We should be proud of that. You know, and then there are also so many more opportunities for for women, it's not the same world, that it's not the same world that I grew up in.

Malini Sarma 22:37

Oh, definitely not. And I think a lot of us, you know, in the generation are, we still have a lot of that mindset, because, you know, we're kind of conditioned to think like that. And it takes something drastic or, you know, as we live vicariously through our daughters, you know, to kind of get out of that kind of mentally shake ourself out of that. It's like, hey, You know, it's not the same as how it used to be. Things are very different now. And all we need to do is if you want to do something, just go ahead and do it. Exactly. And there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to ask anybody's permission. And I think that's a huge that's, I think that is a huge difference and how it used to be. I know a lot of times I'm stuck in that they're like, wait a minute, why can't I do it again? You know, you have to ask yourself that right before you. Exactly. Oh, I

Deb Wertz 23:27

agree wholeheartedly. And now you know, we can it's like, well, I want to have my own business. Okay, then I'm gonna go do it. And nobody's gonna stop me

Malini Sarma 23:37

right now. That's awesome. So as you know, now, you know, kids are grown. You know, you had the yoga studio, you gave that up. And now you're starting your own business. Right? So do you want to talk a little bit about that some of the lessons you've learned, you know, because you're like a phenomenal businesswoman, being able to convert stuff that people don't even see it and bring profit to that and then realize, Okay, I'm done with it. Now move on to the next big adventure. So what is your next big adventure?

Deb Wertz 24:04

My next big adventure is something that I learned along the way through all the burnout of working too many hours with without, without taking without self care. And I used to get very emotional about things and and not that I'm apathetic now, but I had to learn how to how to manage those emotions. And part of it I took a course a long time ago and, and I and I'm taking and some of the things that I learned from this course and I built upon it in my head ways to, to speak to be taken more seriously. Okay, that and as it especially as women, we tend to because of that way that we were raised. We tend to be over apologizes,

Unknown Speaker 24:59

yep.

Deb Wertz 25:00

Yeah, it's just like apologizing for existence. I'm so sorry to bother you. Like, you're not bothering me, right, this thing. You're asking me a question and this is my job to answer your question. It's like, oh, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. It's like, just apologizing. Yes. And and things like I found that just simple phrasings. It's Oh, someone so hurt my feelings. Like, newsflash, nobody can hurt your feelings. You choose what your feelings are. And, and to be able to say, my feelings to be able to say, my, my feelings were hurt. I was angry when I heard so and so. So say that, that's so much more powerful than that person made me angry. Right? Because you've chosen you've you weighed the situation and you've chosen your emotion. Right? And when you once you realize that you have that choice, then you can choose maybe to act differently because maybe you In a situation where you got angry, maybe when when you assess it and realize you have a choice, you might say, you know what, it's that other person's problem. If they're going to feel like if they're going to act like this, well, then that's their issue. And I'm going to choose not to be affected by that,

Malini Sarma 26:17

right? It's not my problem, just because, or it's not, it's not my fault, or it's not my problem, because the other person is angry, because I don't have to deal I can choose whether to deal with it or not. Right. And I think a lot of us probably, you know, we're in a situation or social situation where we're like, together with a group of people and somebody acts out or acts, you know, in a way that's inappropriate and you feel responsible was like, wait a minute, I don't have to be that, you know, I mean, there's one thing about, you know, being together in a group and looking out for that person, but if a person chooses to be like you were saying, you know, choose to act in a certain way. You don't have to be responsible for every single thing that's happening around you.

Unknown Speaker 27:01

Exactly.

Deb Wertz 27:04

You know, it's kind of like going back to my, when I left my dad's business. And yes, he got he got mad initially. And he acted out. And maybe he said things that he regretted. But I could, I could have crawled away with my tail between my legs and said, Oh, my God doesn't love me without this. It's like, and again, that's all part of it. It's like, what does this mean? Oh, it means that he doesn't love me anymore. And that's not the case he had. He was going through a lot and and if, and he chose anger at first, but how I chose not to personalize that, because I knew that I was doing what was best for both of us.

Malini Sarma 27:42

And I think that is extremely powerful. Yeah, he's telling me, I'm sure how did you I mean, I'm sure that made you powerful too. When you realize oh, my God, I can make a decision. And I'm and I can live with it. And yes, it was supposed to be okay.

Deb Wertz 27:56

Yes. Right. And and it was okay. And Just my business is dedicated to helping people choose the words choose the reactions, so they can be more productive and to minimize the suffering because the mental anguish that goes along with thinking, Oh, that person's going to hate me forever. And oh, maybe I shouldn't have said it. And it's, it's, it's so unproductive.

Malini Sarma 28:20

So I mean, so basically, you're teaching them how to say the right words, so they don't have to deal with those kinds of thoughts, you know, because it's after the fact that you're like, maybe you should have said this. Maybe I should have said that. So even before you think about that, here's how you would address a situation and these are the words that you would choose. Do you have a course? Is that what you have? Like? Yes, that's

Deb Wertz 28:39

what that's what I'm in the process of doing right now and developing that course.

Malini Sarma 28:44

Okay. All right. Cool. So, so, um, you I know you've been working on this for a while, right. So knowing you've talked about, you know, raising strong women based on your background, your relationship with you know, Very working in the I would say quote unquote auto you know auto industry kind of people what would you knowing all the stuff that you know now, right what would you advise your younger self

Deb Wertz 29:17

on on just dealing with situations and and with the mindsets of people? Well how would you How would you advise your younger self I would, I would advise her to, to stay strong to not take things so personally to stand tall for what it was that that she believed in and to practice self care for sure. And to to recognize when a situation is, is not working anymore to be a be strong enough to make the changes because sometimes things work for a while but then situations change It's time to, and it's time to go.

Malini Sarma 30:03

That I think I think that is really important.

Unknown Speaker 30:07

Yes to

Malini Sarma 30:08

be able to recognize when you need to leave, because then at some point of time, it's like it's not worth staying anymore.

Deb Wertz 30:15

Right? Exactly. It's like for, for example, it's, it's so common for people to if they have to get another job, it's Oh, I failed. It's like, no, sometimes just sometimes the management changes, I had a job where the management all changed. And all of a sudden, it's like, the whole work environment was terrible. And it was just in people just like flooded like, like rats, because it just became it became absolutely toxic. But that doesn't mean that I failed as an employee. It was just circumstances changed.

Unknown Speaker 30:50

Yep. And

Malini Sarma 30:53

and I think that getting to the point where you can see that I think that itself was a huge thing. accomplishment, right? Because a lot of times we're so deep into the issues, we don't even realize that we have an option. Right, exactly. So standing up and just taking a look around, like, you know what, it's okay, if I leave, it's fine, the business will still flourish, you know? And I'd be okay.

Deb Wertz 31:17

And I think that it's, it's common to say, oh, what if I can't find another job? And but it's like, I have a really good health package here. But if you're not happy and it's and it's a horrible environment, like you, you're, it's finding the confidence to say, I'm talented and they will find another job.

Malini Sarma 31:37

Right. And I think that's what your course is also kind of talking about right choosing the words so that you can feel better about how you assess the situation, correct?

Deb Wertz 31:46

Yes. Oh, absolutely. And the to be able to, to communicate and get another job to be able to sell yourself in an in an interview, like hey, I have these skills and able to recognize in yourself that you will have those skills in the first place?

Malini Sarma 32:01

Okay, I think that I think that's a very crucial skill to have, especially in current economy the way things are. So do you want to talk a little bit about your course if people need to find you, if they want to sign up? How will they get ahold of you? Or do you have a website? I do have a website. It's

Deb Wertz 32:18

Deb works. WR tz.com

I'm on social media. It's that the username is at choose underscore your words

and the your is you are okay.

Malini Sarma 32:40

Yep. I'll put that in the show notes as well. So that people if they need to get ahold of you, or you know, look you up on on social media, they have a way to do that.

Deb Wertz 32:49

Yes, absolutely. Anybody who has questions or who would like to get on my mailing list to stay in touch with me as I develop this course. They can sign up on my website.

Malini Sarma 33:00

Awesome. I think I'm seeing all amazing things happen especially after listen to your story how you can change businesses around. I'm sure you'll be really successful and I wish you the very best of luck. Thanks so much. Okay, thanks a lot them and I will be talking to you soon. Okay, take care bye bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai