Passion and Energy Define Smriti Lamech

Malini Sarma 0:00

Hi, Smriti, I'm so happy to have you on the podcast today. Really excited for everybody to hear your story because yours is a very unconventional one.

Smriti Lamech 0:12

Hi, Malini. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Oh, you're very welcome. So,

Malini Sarma 0:17

you have had quite for most people, I guess they wouldn't think it is unconventional childhood. But, or in your case, you don't think it's unconventional, but for most people who are on the outside, you were born brought up in Allahabad, which is a predominantly Hindu culture, you know, neighborhood, but you were born, born and brought up Christian and you went to Catholic school, and your parents had a huge and your grandparents had a huge influence on your life. Correct. So that you want to talk a little bit about how you know some of those experiences, shaped your upbringing.

Smriti Lamech 0:59

Yes, Admittedly, I had a very unconventional life. And I think like most of us when it's your lived experience, when you're living it and you're in it, you don't realize how unconventional it is. Not only was as a Christian family is as a Christian family, it is also family where a lot of cultures have intermarriage. So, you know, it's a Bengali Christian, married to a garhwali Christian, and their child married to a tamilian. Christian. I have Chinese Christian ancestors, ancestors, sorry. And so, you know, we there were Christian girls in school, but even they just came from a UP Christian family even they didn't have the kind of mixed background that I had. So, you know, I think the first question that I used to be asked was, what is your caste? And I didn't, I didn't know what a caste was. And the second question was, what language do you speak at home And we spoke so many languages at home every every single person was speaking a different language to somebody else. It was almost like the Tower of Babel at times. So that was the second unconventional thing. The third is that ours is mostly matriarchal family, without really meaning to be, in each case, a family home in Allahabad has been with us for four generations. It's more than 100 years old. My grandmother, my grandfather married my grandmother and moved into her home because she was the youngest daughter and she said I, she got married to him on the condition that you never have to leave. That's

Malini Sarma 2:40

awesome.

Unknown Speaker 2:43

So she, you know, he

Smriti Lamech 2:47

actually quit his job and he been in love with her for years. He was like a national level football player there is that and he quit all of that and took up a teaching job because he wanted to stay stable and steady in Allahabad with my grandmother. Similarly, my father got married and moved to Allabad with my mom. And they set up businesses over there. I mean, it was just coincidence. It was there was no, there was nothing more to it. But coincidentally, these have been strong women with strong ideas. And that is again something that an Allahabad has never seen. And you know, everybody would be amazed if I said that this is my naani's house because they kind of assumed it was, you know, yeah, it was my daadi's house. Right, right. That I think perhaps one of the craziest things was that my grandmother was an artist. She was she was a school principal. She ran some of the earliest schools there. But she was also an artist and she used to paint nudes. And so I'd have school friends trickling in and seeing this elderly lady painting nudes. freak them out. They'd never seen a nude in their life, let alone one gentle sweet old lady painting them.

Unknown Speaker 3:52

Yeah, so that's some of it.

Malini Sarma 3:54

That's that's pretty crazy. I mean, you even for I think even for now. I think that is a that's pretty Wild, right? So that's not something that you would normally see. But your mother and your grandmother had a huge influence on you, not you. And like you said, You didn't even it wasn't planned or anything. It just so happened that you were surrounded by strong women. So you said your mom is very enterprising, and she runs a lot of businesses do you want to talk little bit about, you know, how their personality and how they, what they did, how that shaped your thinking and what you wanted to do when you grew up.

Smriti Lamech 4:28

So interestingly, both of them on the face of it have always been fairly timid women. You know, you walk into a home where there is a housewife and a matriarch of the family who runs the place and perhaps only runs their house and runs, you know, makes decisions regarding who's going to marry who and that sort of thing. Those are the kinds of things that my mother and grandmother could never do. And we're constantly bulldozed over by, you know, my in laws and by other people, they would Did they were just not the sort of women who were very strong, or who had strong opinions about how a home should be run or how families should function. They just had some very strong ideas about how they wanted to live their own lives. I think that itself was remarkable for the time and age that they came from, you know, they didn't care what was being cooked and we've always had a cook in the family and, you know, my grandmother would walk into the house and ask for what's for dinner. Mm hmm. Which which is rare, but but that's how it was. If you if you have asked her what was for dinner, she look at you blankly because she had no clue herself. So, you know, my, my mother grew up with a working mother. And then my mother was a working mother. She, my husband calls her serial entrepreneur because she just keeps going to run something for a couple of years. And, you know, it would be a huge success and then to spin it off, sell it off and start something else. And and she really she really likes The thrill of the hunt, I'd say, because once you know a business, gets, you know, puts its roots in and kind of gets settled and stabilized. She loses interest and sells it off and start something new. Something that, you know, demands all her time and energy. Mm hmm. So, I mean, I always I've, I've never, perhaps the one thing I've learned from them is not to fear the unknown. Yeah. And

Malini Sarma 6:23

that's, that's huge. I mean, because even in today's world about just, you know, look at the current situation with COVID. And everything, no one really knows what's going on. When you think that is a that is a really very core characteristic that I think a lot of people could learn about not fearing the unknown.

Smriti Lamech 6:41

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, tomorrow was always something to look forward to never something to fear, no matter how big a risk you were taking, and that's led to a lot of slips and falls and you know, that's part of life. But I've never feared that because of them. And especially because they were women in UP I mean, you have to put this in perspective. where women in UP doing these things.

Malini Sarma 7:01

Yeah, I mean, I'm just I'm just, you know, when I first heard your story, I was like, This is so cool. I mean, we're you mean women even now standing up and say something is like, it's such a big deal. Right? And I mean, we're talking about like two generations of women who have you know, stood up to everything and being so unconventional I think that's just, that's just like badass in itself.

Smriti Lamech 7:24

Yeah, my grandmother. So now I realize that perhaps it's somewhat cultural because Bengalis put a lot of value on education. And my grandmother was Bengali. All her she had three sisters and a brother, and all her sisters were very, very well educated. One was a principal of Christ College in Jabalpur. The other one was the Director of Education. Another one actually trained under Elizabeth Arden.

Unknown Speaker 7:51

Wow.

Unknown Speaker 7:52

And I used to, I used to work with British Airways at a time when you know, she should be able to assist with their makeup and their grooming and all of that. Again, these are my grandmother's sisters. So you can imagine this happened in the 50s and stuff. No, they don't. They're were all these small town Allahabad girls. So,

Malini Sarma 8:09

yes. So you come from a family of badass women. I think that is so cool.

Smriti Lamech 8:15

I have I don't think I'm ever going to match up to them. They

Malini Sarma 8:20

say you, I mean, so you say your your mom was a serial entrepreneur and your your grandmother was a principal of a school. So when you growing up, did you already know what you were going to do? I mean, did that, you know, like, okay, I was going to be a business person, or I'm also going to go into education, or was it like, Oh, no, I'm definitely not going to do that. What was what was your mind like at that time?

Smriti Lamech 8:44

So my grandmother was very keen that I should either join the is she had cleared the Civil Services, you know, in pre independence days, and then when she didn't want to leave her parents and travel because it is sort of a transferable role. So she quit for that. So she had a dream that she wanted me to fulfill. So, I was raised being told that you have to, you know, sit for the Civil Services and become an IAS officer. At some point my grandmother realized I was very argumentative and said maybe you should do law. And, but towards the end of school, I realized I was contributing to the school magazine writing, you know, incessantly, I was constantly writing short stories and stuff. And finally, between us, the whole family realized and I realized that journalism is where I should be headed. And so I went on to do English honors, and then I did my postgraduate course in mass communication and journalism from the Xavier Institute of communications in Bombay. Hmm, but that wasn't the plan until I'm sure it wasn't the plan until class 10 I was quite sure I was either going to sit for my Civil Services or be a lawyer. So I mean, that plan itself kept changing. And in between all of this, I knew I wanted to Travel. I mean, I've always loved adventure. I love travel. And I made the mistake of thinking that, that I could be an air hostess. Hmm. I think I had everything else they needed, but the attitude and the temperament for it. I went through my entire training, I aced every test that they took. In fact, I remember on the last day I got 100 on a paper and one of the seniors, the person testing me said, I'm going to have to cut one Mark because it's unheard of. We've never given people 100 and it's going to look like there's something fishy here. So she gave me a 99 on that paper, and I started flying and within one and a half days, I quit. So that was the first career that I went through and I went through that one like a hot knife through butter it was over before I knew so

Malini Sarma 10:51

and the reason you quit was because you were like you just didn't have the patience to put up with you know everything that you were taught or trained to put With

Smriti Lamech 11:01

you know, my family currently runs two hospitality businesses. So I have all the patience in the world to be in hospitality. Mm hmm. And I, in fact, I was so drawn to it that I've even done a little stint with the Taj hotels. Mm hmm. That was also that also lasted five days. And I in retrospect, I realize it isn't the hospitality that put me off. It was the structure that put me off. I just, you know, the, I understand that when you run large organizations, there has to be a structure in place otherwise, there's no way to manage you know, something of that at that scale. But, you know, the, I find being in a uniform very, I find it restrictive, and I also find it at some level very demeaning. I cannot stand the idea of a uniform I cannot stand you know, we were told which color lipsticks we were allowed to use there was given one nail polish and all that's all I'm allowed to, you know, for my entire working career. My You know, my entire working life. That's the only color To use and all of that, pointless I didn't see what it had to do with the job at hand. And I found the focus on those kind of trivial silly little things. I found again, I found that also ridiculous and unreasonable. And they made me so unhappy that it didn't matter that the job by itself was something that I was I might have enjoyed otherwise Hmm. structure around it was just just too rigid, almost dehumanizing, you know? Yeah, I think I'll set you with that.

Malini Sarma 12:34

So, you went from mass communication, you decided that you know, you did hospitality for a while and what happened after you quit, you know, working as a stewardess What happened?

Unknown Speaker 12:44

So I also did, so while I was doing my, my post graduation, I was in Bombay and I on my pocket money and put myself through college, to some extent by by doing a couple of modeling stunts. They weren't very big deals, they were like, you know, I was like one of those chorus girls bouncing in the background of a video. I've done hand modeling. You know, when you have you when you folk when when you zoom in on a hand in a video, that is very, and the actual end of the model is somebody else who has pretty hands. That Yes, that is such a good career to be had. And you can actually make a career out of it because it pays very well.

Unknown Speaker 13:24

No. Okay, so

Smriti Lamech 13:26

Yeah, you can. So I did all of that. put myself through college. I have hosted events I've Yeah, I've been an emcee at events. And but eventually I did get into journalism. I was with the TV. I joined business television, I have been a reporter and a producer. And yeah, I mean, that was perhaps the longest stint that I've ever done something. About four years ago, I shifted focus, which was partly led by motherhood, I think, because it's only after I had my own kids that I started focusing on Education the the idea behind education, what is the pedagogy? Why are we doing what we are doing? Is this actually a valid way to to lead life? Because I mean, for us, we just look at it as education but a child who's being educated it is their entire life. Mm hmm. You know, your date of your life for a child, their child, their life revolves around education. So when you choose a way to educate your child, you're not just choosing their education, you're defining their life for those years or whatever. Hmm. So all of that got me very interested reading up researching and about four years ago, I I took the CELTA certification, so I am I have a Cambridge certificate to treat teacher English as a foreign language to adults. Okay. And after that, in fact, I ran a business of my own franchise of an American after school program. It's called the GI learning program. And we teach children between four and 14, maths and English But, you know, it's not a very rigid program. And that's what appealed to me. You actually test children see what their learning requirements are and customize every single child's program. So it's an immensely hard work, right? Because unlike a classroom system where you teach a particular chapter today, or a topic today, you would have a class of five, eight children. And every single one of them is at a different level learning a different topic, right? It's incredibly challenging, great fun, but I closed that down last year.

Malini Sarma 15:28

Oh, okay. So I'm sure you if your grandmother, you know, she was here, she would be very proud of you because you literally came right back to education, which, you know, what were what you were exposed to right from the beginning, right.

Smriti Lamech 15:42

all Christians coming back to education.

Malini Sarma 15:46

I didn't realize that though. You know, when I went to Catholic school, but I didn't realize that But yeah, I guess you could say that.

Smriti Lamech 15:54

In India, the questions are come back to us. And you know, every Christian girl grows up saying I will not be a teacher. Almost every other, you know, Christian family has, you know, teachers in it and I just swore I would never be a teacher but I couldn't help it. It just literally sucked me in. Yeah.

Malini Sarma 16:11

Yeah, yeah, I was a teacher too so I can see the the appeal, you know, the the freedom you have to teach the students and the joy you get from seeing the difference when you've made a difference. I think that's, that's what's, that's what kind of drags me into that, too. So, um, so while you know, you're going back to your career, you're in journalism, and you were working in TV, and you were producing also because that gave you the freedom you know, to do. kind of spread your wings and get your point out there. But in all this while you were going through this, you also met your husband, right. And I know there was a lot of drama that happened with you know, when he felt by the time he finally became your husband, you want to talk about that story.

Smriti Lamech 16:58

Yeah, So we have a family tradition of, of the boy's family saying no, or at least the boy's family being less interested, which I don't know. It's almost like they instinctively know this is a family of very strong women so well while that is never the objection, the objection is always something else. But it's almost like you know, sixth sense warning them off our family. You know, in, in UP and in Hindi, there's a phrase where you say ludki bhagaa legayi that the boy took the girl and ran away with elope with her. And I've always been asked eloping with the boy who can so my husband was bhagaoed by me

I suppose because he came back to my place and we got married there.

Malini Sarma 17:43

So you have the tradition. So you kept the tradition of you know, in the girl's house so yeah,

Smriti Lamech 17:48

I daughter keeps telling me there is so much pressure to find a boy I can pick up under my arm and run with

so yeah,

Malini Sarma 18:00

Sorry, no, go ahead. You said you first met him when you were in college.

Smriti Lamech 18:04

No at work, okay. In fact, I was at work, I was dating somebody else. And I really liked my husband, I thought he was a very nice person I just didn't think he was for me because he was just such a nice guy that I thought he deserved better. And I set him up with a number of my friends, which is, which is like, an old joke. People can't stop laughing about the number of double dates I've been on with him because I'd keep setting him up with one good friend or the other and nothing would work out, you know. And he'd come out with my boyfriend and me. And then finally, when my boyfriend and I broke up for various reasons, I remember him telling me, I am so tired of you setting me up with other women when I wanted to be with you. And you just wouldn't take the hint. And you just come along, you know, for the heck of it because he was spending time with me. Mm hmm. So yeah, I mean, we started dating, when we were at work and my husband is a brahmin And he comes from a family that doesn't see any intermarriage and you know, is very, very proud of their culture and their language and their food. And they're very particular that that should be preserved. And so my husband had had a huge battle to marry me. It went on for a couple of years, he actually after, you know, he took some time out, he went on to do an MBA over those years before my parents and his parents met, you know, for my parents to talk to his parents and see if they could reason with them that you know, if that's what the kids want to do, if you know our children, they're adults, if they want to get married, support them, but they will be my in laws were very, very steadfast in their belief that they did not want a Christian daughter in law, and that this marriage would not work out. I mean, they did they said that we don't see it as viable we cannot see our son unhappy in this situation. He hasn't thought this through. And if he gave it any thought he realized that, you know, it's very difficult to live with somebody from another culture. And we didn't see it that way, obviously, because my entire family is full of a variety of cultures and and we think it's variety is the spice of life, you know? So personally i. So there's a little anecdote that some years ago my son when he started school, he came back home one day and he said, mama, there's a new boy in my class. And it's such a coincidence, both his parents are Punjabis. Mm hmm. Yo, he had never met, even amongst our friends. He had never met a couple, a husband and wife from the same community and all those years. So the first time he met somebody, you know, from the same community, he thought it was, it was an amazing coincidence. He didn't realize that there was such a thing as an arranged marriage or you know,

Malini Sarma 20:44

I was just sayng to my husband. I said, weve really messed the kids up for life

You didn't say you had mentioned that when you guys were talking about, you know, finally when your parents agreed, your mom had told you, you know, she kind of give you a very interesting perspective about marriage.

Smriti Lamech 21:01

Yes. So yeah, so interestingly, my parents had no objection to my boyfriend at that point, they came and met my met my husband, Rajiv, before we met, I said that there is this guy, and you know, I spent a lot of time with him. My mom kept insisting she said, This guy is interested in you, this isn't the point that I still hadn't realized. And you know, I really read my mom, the, the riot act, and I said, you have no understanding of platonic relationships. Stop misunderstanding, every relationship and you know, I'm not interested and we're just friends and this and that. So my mom came, visited me at work, and asked to meet him and so glad to have him dropped by and you know, you spend so much time with him. I'd like to say hi to him, and she met him at all. And when she went back, she told my dad, she said, He's definitely in love with her. She can't see it. And by the time I realized in my husband actually did ask me out and stuff, and I called my mom she was so validated and so the shoot, so I told you so. And then at that point, she said, You know, he's a lovely boy and we really like him and all but our only objection to my only objection to this is that he is very career minded and so are you. And I don't see that as working out. And I think relationships where there are opposites, you know, so we don't see, we see it as we see it as a disadvantage that the boy is so driven and so ambitious, because we we have raised our investment and this is you, you are a child, we have spent all these years giving you an education, encouraging you to further your, you know, personal development, and you will end up being married to somebody who comes from a conservative family, and who won't support your career, you know, not only is his family conservative, but he himself is very driven and career minded and there will be no room for you for your wings to you know, for you to spread your wings. So, even I mean for the first couple of years, I did move a lot with my husband and you know, he had just finished his his business degree and he just started work again. So he needed that little bit of help. leg up. And every time I told my mom, we're moving, we're moving cities or you're moving house, or my husband's moving jobs and you know, I need to move with him. She'd say, I told you, you know, go to go get a career and never going to be able to build a career at this rate. So she had a point.

Malini Sarma 23:13

So So then what happened? I mean, so you guys got married, and then you were working? You're kind of following him. And you were working on the side while he was doing his thing?

Smriti Lamech 23:22

Yes, so we got married. And I continued with media. But you know, the thing with being a journalist is that you're only as good as your sources. And as the story is, as well, as you know, a place I mean, it's very difficult for a journalist, to build sources and to build trust and to build connections if they keep moving. You need your network to get I mean, there are always the stories that you will get on a platter, the PR stories, but if you want to dig for something that is unusual, that is different. You need to belong to a place and you need to build that network. And I found that very difficult to do and then anyway, I was very, very keen on having kids. I've wanted kids ever since I was 10. or 14 or something. So I decided to have children and put my career slightly on the hold on the back burner for a bit. And I worked I went back to work when my son was two and in fact, about two months old, frankly, not even two years, two months old. And I went back to work when my daughter was eight days old.

Malini Sarma 24:17

Wow. So you help? I mean, how did you manage with having two young kids at home while you're working from home or your husband? Or do you have nanny How did that work? My parents helped

Smriti Lamech 24:29

my son I didn't have a nanny it just were in a sling and go go out and report and shoot and he's my son's been on all kinds of sets he's been he's traveled everywhere and autos and trains and everything is amazing baby and and I, you know, babies. I think they pick it up early. But he learns so young that Mama's career was important to her in whatever form it was. He was just the most cooperative baby ever. In fact, I keep saying that my my younger one on my my son conned me into having the second one. Because I believed that children were easy because he was just such an easy baby. I would take him to a set for a shoot and I would just put him down on the ground and he would sit there quietly for two hours while I interviewed somebody without a sound. I've never seen another baby do that. Hmm. So and even now, I mean, over the years as I work I and I've worked mostly from home after that, done a lot of time until he went back to school, in which case, I would then have my shoots and my interviews in the morning while they were at school, try and do it after my husband had come back from work so that they whenever I had a nanny, I had house help. I didn't have nannies, but I had house help. Okay, so I would try not to leave them with, you know, somebody who was not family. Right, right.

Malini Sarma 25:40

So that that worked out really well. But you were also I mean, your kids are older now. But when, as they were growing up since you have such a passion for education, you were very convinced and you have, you're very clear, like you were talking about how you wanted the kids to experience education, because it has such a profound it has so As your profound impact on their psyche, and as they grow up, so what was what was that that, you know, fight that you had or that argument that you had? Do you want or that you were so clear about how you want to raise your kids and the education that they have.

Smriti Lamech 26:15

So I, I'll rephrase that for myself. It was not the educate. Welcome back. I'll say it again, because I've This is something that this clarity has only come to me in the last few years. It wasn't the education that I thought that was I wanted for them, it was, again, the life that I wanted for them. And I just felt, you know, there's that old Mark Twain one that you know, something called Education School shouldn't get in the way of your real education or some bright light effect. And, yeah, so I just felt that, you know, we were, we were raising the children in South Delhi. We were surrounded by many, many very rich, very, very spoiled, entitled kids. The kids went to very fancy schools where everything was handed to them on a platter and I developed such a Such a dislike for the kind of environment we were raising them in, then pushed me to clarify my own thoughts on what I wanted for them after that, you know, the moment I put them in a school, I knew that I may not have known what I wanted, but I was very clear about what I didn't want it at that point. Okay. And you know, they're their little school would teach them their first day of school. I remember my son was taught how to apply cheese on a cracker. And you know that that was just such a Foo Foo, entitled thing to do. everybody learns how to apply it something on something eventually, you know, it would have they would have if they just wanted to develop their motor skills, they could have taught them bread and butter. But the fact that they chose cheese and crackers really ticked me off, and I just wanted kids who were far more grounded. You have a lifetime of being arrogant, you have a lifetime of developing attitude and and learning to be You know, cheeky, but but if you if we don't start with you being grounded, there is no way for us to go. And, and that came back to us many years later we moved to Dubai and again without going to be with strangers and didn't really know anything over there. So we applied to a number of schools and you know, our our criteria was very simple a school that would take brother and sister together so that they didn't get split up. And I put them in the school and didn't realize that it was an expensive school. But I hadn't really thought that through we didn't have enough information. It ended up being one of those schools which wanted, you know, the end of this end of the school year end of the term party was was going to be a social and the kids had to wear a tux. And they had to come in a stretch limo. And, you know, it was ridiculous. I just I couldn't see why the 12 year old had to experience a stretch limo and why that had to become part of your daily life. When no stretching limo should be something that you can appreciate and something to aspire to something very special that you take if you take your wife on your whatever your first anniversary or something, you know your partner or something like that it wasn't I didn't see why a 12 year old who had more understanding, you put them in a cab or you put them in a stretch limo, it's all the same, they just right. It's all about just getting your destination. Right. So that was pretty much what happened to me in their early stage also. And then I realized that I I started reading up on Montessori and Waldorf on Krishnamurti and, and then that then I was very, very clear that this is exactly what I want for my children. I want them to lead a simpler life, I want them to lead a more genuine life. Mm hmm. And, and if I need them to lead a more genuine life than the education has to prepare them for that the education has to be about that the education itself has to be genuine. It cannot be about numbers and, and formula, it has to be about education that helps you think critically, I mean that should be the full Because not mugging up things or learning by rote or, or being able to say that, Oh, I know how to code. I didn't think that was important. So we moved, I moved. That was one of the first moves I made for the children's education. We moved out of our Delhi home to Gurgaon, where I found a school that was fairly progressive, didn't have a uniform, didn't you know, children didn't have to carry a school bag didn't have exams at the end of the year. And at the time that we did this, it was a fairly, it was a fairly brave decision to make because the school had only been around about a couple of years, two years or three years and nobody had heard of it. So everybody thought we were crazy moving them out of this very well established Old Delhi school where you where they make networks for life and you know, the chief minister's grandchildren and whatnot. But it didn't matter to me. And I didn't regret it. They loved the school that we move them to.

Malini Sarma 30:49

So when you were you know, making these decisions and you're moving them from you know, from you're moving from country to country, in house to house in school to school, you probably broke every possible You know, conventional wisdom, because I know in India especially, you know, it's even before the child is born that you've already paid a donation to school so that you're guaranteed admission. This was like, I mean, this is like brave, you forget brave. I mean, it's like people probably looking at us like, What is wrong with her? What did your I know your husband was big, big support? Or was he also just is like, Oh my god, I don't know what my wife is up to now and where you kids like, like, oh, Lord, please help us because I have no idea what mom's thinking right now what was that what was going on at that time?

Smriti Lamech 31:36

Or at the time that my son had to be moved? Back perhaps was the first time first and perhaps the last time my husband ever disagreed with me over education or child raising and I mean, that makes it makes it sound like I am the parent who takes more decisions where the children are concerned. And there's probably some truth to that because I have very strong ideas about certain things. There are things I Don't care about at all. So you know, when people ask me things like how much did the car cost or what's your house EMI I look at them blankly and and I come across like that village woman who doesn't, who leaves all these important things to her husband. But those things don't matter in the larger scheme of things to me, what matters to me is my children the way we live our lives, the values we practice. And so, so those are the decisions I make. And those are other those are the decisions I started fighting over and pushing my husband for those early days. In fact, when my son got into that, rather, Tony, you know, the South Delhi School, I said, I didn't want to send him there. But you know, it was a kilometre far away from home and my husband said you're denying him a good education because of your prejudice against that school. Let him go there. And if you dislike it, we will, you know, we will, it's only kindergarten we can shift him. So I said, Well, can we let him go and I swear to you, I've never regretted anything more than I regretted that my son was perfectly okay. But you know, I'd go there every day and there'd be these two seater sports cars and you know, a guy who would be brought in half his his or her mother driving, and then a maid would get off and walk in from the car door to the gate. And I could never understand why somebody who can drive her own car cannot walk her child to the gate from said car to gate. You know, so that was the kind of school it was and you went to a party and you were expected to bring a couple of maids along with you a birthday party. And, you know, you want it was frowned upon to feed your own child at the party have a three year old and a maid feeding and the mothers sitting around sipping Long Island iced teas, I was so out of place over there. And you know, I just kept suffering through it saying it's all for a greater cause and a better education. But then at that point, I was also reading up on education and realizing that this wasn't the education I wanted anyway. And that education is not just between, you know, the pages of a book, it's life and the life that these were exposing him. exposing my son to wasn't the life I wanted. So at that point, my husband and I had so many argument And, and I'm putting this very politely

Malini Sarma 34:05

I know how that goes.

Smriti Lamech 34:06

Yeah, so we were like slamming doors and screaming that, you know, because he was like, you know, people have queued up for years to get into this school, like, your son just walked into it. You cannot throw this away. And I said, I will and watch me throw it away, because this is not what I want for our son. Hmm. And maybe I shouldn't push so much. It's also my husband, son, he had an equal say to it, but you know how it is you fight and then whichever one is probably more a stronger opinion on it wins. And I clearly had the strong opinion because he gave up and said, you know, what, do what you want. And if the next school doesn't work out, then be it on your head. And I said, I'm willing to take this one, you know, I'll take this one. And within maybe we put our son into the new school. And we fell in love when we walked into the school because there was just such a warm, inclusive environment. You know, it wasn't aggressive. It was it was just so simple. It was just so basic that it was all that we wanted. For him and my husband all said and done is a very is a very honest, genuine, simple human being. And I think that initial push to put my son in that school was largely influenced by how our friends and our contemporaries and deliever were pushing us and encouraging us and telling us that you know that that is every child, you know, if it was like the Ivy League equivalent of kindergarten, everybody else said it was an amazing place. My husband hadn't put any thought into it. And frankly, and now he says, I don't put any thought into these things. I go with what Smith he says because she has an instinct for this. She's really started and amazingly, I like the decisions she makes. I like the way I like the way that shapes our life. And I like what she's done. And I like what the way it influences the children. So you know, I've learned the hard way and you know, now I go with what she says.

Malini Sarma 35:48

So from there after that, then there was another incident and kind of kind of made you realize that maybe you need to make another change, right, you were talking about your son, hold on.

Smriti Lamech 36:00

The school that we put them into that many years ago, I think it fell prey to economic pressures. There were parents who. So you know, the Delhi government changed its ruling and at one point to put your children into that school, you had to come and take a sort of a psychometric test. And the school would see whether you whether you fit with their pedagogy and whether you were the right fit for the school in terms of the way you thought and stuff

Unknown Speaker 36:27

I was able to

Malini Sarma 36:28

guarantee was that the parents had to take a test with a child who had to take the test.

Unknown Speaker 36:32

Oh, okay.

Smriti Lamech 36:33

Yeah. The school didn't test children in, you know, in principle, they didn't believe in testing children. Okay, that was their principle. But unfortunately, the government rulings changed everything. They said that, you know, children cannot be taken on this basis, because, you know, there's a lot of room for corruption over there. So there has to be a lottery system. So before you knew it, there were a whole bunch of parents who didn't believe in this system at all. Whatever because, you know, the lottery system landed them then they were as unhappy There's we were unhappy having them so bad. Fortunately, there was a lot of pressure and they'd come to school and say, why aren't you giving the kids more homework? Why aren't you disciplining the children more and I could never get over this thing about a parent coming to school and telling, telling the school that I want you to be harsh with my child, why would you want anybody to be harsh with your child? And why would you imagine that anybody else can have can manage your child or understand your child better than you can? And if you do, then then there's some introspection for you to do there. Right. So anyhow, I noticed this, this change in the school's philosophy and over a period of time, I noticed them becoming more and more mainstream taking in more children. So the class size was growing, their student teacher ratio was falling. And you know, they were testing children all the time. And my son came into class nine last year. And if you know he was in school for two weeks before they came along and said, You know, there's a unit testimonial or something, and they tested him all the way into the summer holidays. And then the days that summer holidays And they had an exam on this on the day that, you know, the school reopened, which I found ridiculous because the child was completely unprepared for it. And he failed that test. And, and my son is a very good student and a very good boy, you know, one of those very conscious, you have to drag away from my other books. So, so for him to fail was very deeply upsetting. You know, he wasn't one of those kids who said, Oh, to hell with it. So I came back from work, and I found my son's literally swatting at his books, and it was raining, and I don't want to go and play in the rain for a bit. And he said, No, ma'am, I have an exam. And I said, when you examine he said next week, and I said, you know, what, a week away he said, Yeah, but you know, by the time I play, and then I come back and I change and I get it. I waste too much time. And I truly believe that playing football in the rain is one of life's important experiences, you know, one of those accessible ones? And I said no, you have to go play football and he said, No, I will not because I have a destructive and I just I don't know something snapped. I felt that as a parent, I failed this child in many ways. if, if,

if, you know, my,

my dealing in the world in play is not as doesn't seem to have the impact that social pressures has on him, you know, he's failed an exam. He's so bothered by it, that he that he's not even allowing himself a small universe for a half an hour break. And I realized that nothing I see as a parent, you know, go play, it doesn't matter, whatever. None of that was going to matter is the system that he was being raised and you know, our neighbors, his friends, the school if society told him that he had to be, you know, at his table swatting at his books, nothing I said, could undo that. So I just told him, you're not going back to school tomorrow. And he said, why not? And I said, because that's it. I'm done with this exam business. And I really, I swear to you, Malini, I haven't thought this through. But this is how I live my life. And I knew very clearly from a very from deep inside, that this wasn't something I could I didn't have a plan. But I didn't again, like, you know, I didn't know what I wanted to do. But I was very clear about what I was not going to do. And what I was not going to do is allow this child to spend the next four years of his life, you know, ninth 10th 11th 12th and then also, after that you spend a lifetime putting in hard work and and I believe in a hard work ethic, but you do you do that, at a certain point in life. You don't do it every time through your childhood, because what childhood do you have left? Exactly? I said, we're putting us we're quitting school tomorrow morning, and I want to find your solution and I homeschool you after, if I have to. You're not going back to the system. And you said, mama, you have a business and you go to work, you run your own business. I said, Yes, that's fine. I will quit my business. I will shut it down. But I will you know, my first responsibility is to the life I brought into this world. Hmm. I will haven't figured out what to do. So he called his father who was traveling on work and he said, you know, Mama has completely lost it. And she's not she's not letting me study completely dead. Devin, baby, he has an exam. And I said yes, I'm glad I'm not begging him. It ended. Because you know, this is it. I can't bear to see these kids being forced to study these long as they have no free time. And so literally, I was under pressure because since I'd come up with this grand plan of you're not going back to school, I had to figure out what the alternative was. And I found a lovely school. I'd actually found it four or five years ago, it was based on the Krishnamurti philosophies. And it, it was in the middle of a forest. It was a 35 acre school in the middle of 100 acre forest. I mean, it doesn't get better than that religions. Hmm. And it was the British curriculum. So you know, it was a far more flexible curriculum than our Indian systems. And it was brilliant. I mean, they teach the children organic farming, they do an hour of farming every day. So you're out in the open, you're using your body to do everything that it was meant to do. You're you're learning to grow your own food, and I really don't think there's anything more important than knowing How to feed yourself. Exactly. The kids have to cook, they have to clean, they have to tidy up their own rooms, they have to wipe down the mess tables after, you know after meals and, and in between they study

Malini Sarma 42:13

to do they have access to do they have access to like technology? Or do they have computers? Or is it like homeschooling kind of and like you know, the teachers are local, how does all of that work?

Smriti Lamech 42:26

Um, so they do have access to technology, but there's not very much emphasis on it any child frankly, somebody who is very driven for and wants to do coding or you know, get into computer engineering or something perhaps could honestly do perfectly well you have to because they don't deny you that opportunity. That computer lab is there but there's so much else going on to the children are constantly out and swimming in a river. There's a river that runs through the school and they're there. So they have access to the lab, but very few children are interested in it. And I suppose children who are interested in it, I encouraged to do it and and there's also a lot of emphasis on practical science. The principal has like an old antique car. And I wish I could tell you which one it was, but I can't remember. And every year, the batch will take it all apart and put that entire car back together. So you know, it's not just a lesson in a lab, they're playing over there. They're learning how to use farm tools. They're learning how the school is the school boiler packs up, they have to fix it. The school runs entirely on solar power. So the children, if a panel solar panel isn't working, the children have to climb up on the roof and fix it. Hmm.

Malini Sarma 43:28

I mean, this must be so they must be so happy, right? I can just I mean, I can just imagine that too. It's like being out in nature, learning how to live with your hands and learning to be independent, which is something that the current system I think in most countries do not teach you. I think that's absolutely phenomenal. There's a

Smriti Lamech 43:48

lot of trust in this school. That river that runs through the school perhaps is the first sign of what they expect of a child. Because there's nobody watching that river. There's no lifeguard there, huh? And it says with river with rocks, and there's a bridge over it and the boys hospitals are on the other side of that river. And the children walk through in the night in the dock. And they don't take children below the age of eight or nine to stay in the hospital for the simple reason that they said we don't follow your children around we trusting them. Right? And, you know, so that is that is what I said about the education about education being how you live your life, frankly. So if by the age of nine, you're entrusted with your own safety, that's a huge thing. These kids are climbing trees using farm equipment where they could lose a limb working with electricity when they are fixing saved, you know, a particular hostel loses electricity, the kids are up there on that pole fixing it. So they have to maintain all the precautions that anybody else would and their young boys doing it and the biogas plant needs to be fixed and and they are you dealing with human waste in that case, and they're doing it so this those are, I mean, they're learning they're learning physics and chemistry and math. Way fixing it. Yes. But they're also learning about life that if I don't get this fixed in time, we don't have lights to read in our hospital at night.

Malini Sarma 45:08

Yeah. And I think and I think that's really, that's really amazing. I think your kids because they've seen the other side of it, right? whether whether you're entitled pampered kinda thing in here, you come here and you have to start using your brain. It's not like you have to open a book and mug it out because you're actually getting to learn the concepts and use it. So what is your kid's reaction been to the school?

Unknown Speaker 45:32

So So today I told my kids were moving here you should have their faces to see you know, they they weren't meant to gray I mean, they're they were these gated community go down. To be fair, we've always lived very, very honest, real lives, my husband and maybe keep it real as far as possible. So, you know, so it wasn't that it wasn't the dockets was filed, but even so to tell them that we're sending you off down south to a smaller station in Tamilnadu that you've never heard of in your life. So my husband and I decided my husband was actually moving back from the way last year. And he said, you know, you can send them off to boarding, I've not spent. I've been away from them for the last four years only meeting them in a couple of days every week. And just as just as I move back to India, you send them off to hospital. So like I said, You know, I am my business isn't working out the way I thought it would. We hit a couple of obstacles along the way. And it just seemed it wasn't, you know, economically feasible at that point. So I said, I plan to shut down my business. So why don't we take this one year because my husband too, had a one year window of flexibility before some certain things change at his workplace. So I said we both have this year, it's providential that we should both be here at this time. Just when the kids are ready to move to hostel, so let's move to the hills with them. I've always wanted to live in the hills. And let's go there and spent the first year with the children and let them get used to Oscar because we are very close knit and You know, when you don't come from a particular culture community, then your family tends to be more close knit than ever. Yeah, because you don't have that community thing to fall back on. So you are your own community. In the whole world, my children will not find any other community that or any other child who is Konkani, Tamil Bengali garhwali with a little bit of Chinese. So you know, you we didn't want to be split up so we moved to the hills with them. I think that made it hugely easy because we what we decided is that they'd be weak borders. So you know, they'd be there for the entire weekend come home to us on the weekend. So they'd get the proper boarding school experience of you know, being at night and your midnight fees and your endless being the kind of school it is there's a certain amount of work that goes into school after your studies are over. So you're cleaning up your your composting, you're washing out the toilets, all of these things are done before and after school hours. So if they were just day borders, they'd never get to pull their share of bait and I didn't think it was fair to the other children. Mind should even five and come home when they start working, you know? So we did that. I think that made it much easier for the kids. And by the third weekend when we went to pick them up, they were literally tossing a coin saying, you go home with them, you go home with him, I'm not going home. One of us needs to go home to keep our parents happy. And it's not mean and, you know, heartbreaking as that was. It was it was so that again was a validation of you know, the fact that this school was really working for the kind of people they are. These kids who had come from a gated complex are running wild climbing trees. My children have stopped wearing shoes. They are comfortable out in the cold. They have leeches climbing up their legs and they don't bother with them. When I tell my son there's a leech on your leg like he says mama is a cycle of nature. He needs to eat dog feed off me so just let him be

Malini Sarma 48:55

I can just imagine the city kid seeing that and freaking out right That is so cool, though, I think so that kind of that kind of, like you said, validates the fact that, you know, education is not about taking tests and, you know, the scores and everything in they'll figure it out later in life, because they've already they're so comfortable in their own skin and learning how to survive. You're not worried about them later on, because they'll figure it out. Right?

Smriti Lamech 49:22

You know, this thing that you said about taking tests. The reason I I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we left mainstream schooling because of this testing business. And really, this whole, you know, I put in my application and within this the day the school got back to me, I emailed them, and they said, When can you come in for a test? I said, I'll come there tomorrow morning. And they said that we actually checked your application to see where you were coming from and how you could possibly get here in less than 20 hours. And we reach there and they gave the children a maths test. And, you know, this gave me the game and gave me the sheets one of the teachers and said, you know, the children need to sit down and take this test. So I sent my son, you know, I did it very ethically, I sent my son to one corner of an auditorium and my daughter to sit under a tree. And I said, Go and take the test. And you know, in a bit, my son solved his test and came back. And my daughter came back without one single match question done, and I said, What's wrong? And she said, I, I can't understand even a single question. So I just hadn't even looked at the paper, because you know, I was doing the right thing. So I said, Show it to me. And I looked at it, and it was really above, you know, what a seven perfect child in class seven should know. And then my son looked at it, he said, it's the same paper that I have, you know, it's much more than, you know, it's much higher than the level that she should be at, because he's in class nine. And so, you know, I took it back to the math teacher, and I said, I think there's been a mistake, because you've given both of them the same paper, whereas she's applied for class seven, and he's applying for class nine. And he said that, you know, we that was a deliberate mistake, not a mistake. We wanted him to sit with her. And we wanted him to help her through the paper. Oh, If we wanted him to explain to her the things that she didn't understand, we obviously don't know which level she's at. But if he could explain something of that to her, it would be a better test of his ability than his own test.

Malini Sarma 51:12

Wow. And

Smriti Lamech 51:14

that's that just shocked me because I've never seen anybody being tested and they said, We expected them to sit together and do it. Why did you split them up?

Unknown Speaker 51:22

Different that is different.

Smriti Lamech 51:25

Yeah. So anyhow, my daughter then went and sat with a maths teacher apparently he did maths puzzles with her because my husband and I were waiting outside doing our nails to the stuff that you know, now there's another paper she's going to have to take. And we could hear her laughing and giggling and when she came out, she said, we did so many maths puzzles and games, and he tested out through those and she said, I'm never going back because I've never been able, I've never enjoyed maths the way I have during this test. So it really, it worked out beautifully with my kids approach education very differently now very differently.

Malini Sarma 51:59

That is That is that is really awesome and I and I'm sure there are lots of other people who'll be listening to this and like wow we need to sign up for this cuz this is amazing especially I know a lot of moms are so frustrated with the education system and you know they're so worried about like the 10th exam board exams and top board exams and with the getting engineering and you know, you know how all of that goes. I think this is this is a real breath of fresh air that there is actually a way out of this this you don't have to follow the conventional system there is a way to do this. So I think that you know this

Smriti Lamech 52:32

you don't miss yet because of Corona

you know, all the other schools are going online with zoom and this and that and my kids school this to let them in. This is still all up in the air. So I don't even know if it's right for me to share it with you. But they're saying we're probably going to run this as a zero year. We don't know how many kids will come back. So if the kids do come back, we don't plan to educate them in conventional subjects, swim, paint.

Malini Sarma 52:58

Go

Smriti Lamech 52:59

and learn. Life Skills because in the middle of a pandemic, the thing that's most important is your emotional well being not what you're scoring. And my son is in class 10, he should be taking his four. And according to the igcc system, one of the papers that he's meant to take will be in November. So you know, he would start in August, regular session. And he'd have to take his first exam in November. And, you know, because we've checked out of the regular system, I have absolutely no concern. I asked my son, I said you wanted class 10 this year, next year, he said, Whatever you think, and I said, No, you go to school, see how you feel about it? If you're not ready to take it? This right, this is a pandemic year, we're all learning to live with a new normal. I don't even know if we should call this normal, right? So let's, you know, do what, what makes you comfortable and what makes you emotionally stable. This is not the time for anybody to be getting worked up over, over over your board exam,

Malini Sarma 53:58

right? I mean, and Like you said, it's a new normal, and you can't even say it's like in one country because it's literally worldwide. Everywhere you go, you can be hearing that story. So I think the way the school is approaching it is itself is like phenomenal. They've just taken the bull by the horns, looking the facts in the face and saying, you know, what, this is how it's going to be. And this is how we're going to go forward. And I think that is a tremendous step that they've taken just to keep the calm, right. So it's like, it's okay. It's okay. You know, we'll just figure it out. Right.

Smriti Lamech 54:30

And the amazing thing is, so the school was originally set up for farm labor in the area. So my kids still have children coming to class with them whose parents are label, okay, on the farm, and, and that these kids are going to be taking the igcc they're going to be taking the Cambridge board, right. And obviously, they need a lot more support than our kids do. They don't have the privilege that our kids are, you know, want to so my daughter was such has a 17 year old in her class and it doesn't matter, he might be in class seven, but he is in class seven and the Cambridge board, right? He is getting a British education that very few other kids in this country are getting and so he's foyers behind and it doesn't really matter, but what he's learning is solid and it's hardcore. Yeah. And I, I don't know if you will want to keep this in your, in the show or not in the broadcast or not, but I'd like to share a small thing with you sure. One of the earliest classes that my children had to do was an understanding of privilege, okay. And you know, how to protect your own privilege. And in India, you hear very often that there's been a famine in a certain part of the country and, you know, and a farmer committed suicide 100 farmer suicides this year, you know, they just statistics which is just numbers to us. 100 farmers killed themselves this year, because, you know, of debt and because of a famine and whatever, or you some once in a while, you'll hear this really heartbreaking story of a farmer having to sell his daughter because he didn't make enough money that you huh? And and we judge them and you know parents like us say How could you no matter how bad your situation how could you possibly sell your child Some are my kids were given a lesson by a teacher that you know, okay, so this is a village You are a you're a farmer, you're a teacher, you're a cobbler. You're the village headman. You know whatever they were each given a role and they were each given money according to that. So you have this much money, you have this much money, you have this much money then they describe the village you're on the banks of a river. This year, there's been a famine the rivers dried up. So tell me how that affects your finances. So each one had to tell her to create a story about how that would affect their finances. Then he said Okay, so now this at the end of the year, you have X amount of money. Now the next year there is a flood. So so and so so and so and so and so will do really well. The fisherman will do well and so and so will do well, but x and y their houses will get carried We ended up in the flood, how does that affect your finances? So they did this over a period of five, you know, they went into a cycle of five years. And at the end of it, the Dalits, who they had, you know, the person who was playing the role of the Dalit in that village. That guy was at a point where he said, Okay, I'll sell my daughter if I have to. He had six children, according to the life is the family history or whatever the race history that created for him that little story that had been cooked up, and he had a little baby who needed to be fed, and he said, Okay, I'll sell the eldest child into bonded labor or whatever. I don't know what his understanding of selling the eldest child was, but he was willing to do that and you know, it made our children understand the sub this, you know, otherwise it's all just textbook, right? You read about it, you read it in the news, you judge people for the way they're living their lives and, and the way poverty affects them. But this really hit home. So yeah, this is these are some of the things they learn in school.

Malini Sarma 57:53

Yeah. In fact, when you think about it, a lot of you know like you were saying whether there you want, you know, one is little For 12 and the other 17, when you go out into the workforce, you end up working with people of all different ages. It doesn't matter when they graduated. And you know how old they are? Because a lot of times nowadays, you find it's the younger people who are probably the, at a higher position and the older people who are not. So you, you know, your school is basically a reflection of life and how you learn. It's a question about, you know, your attitude and, and the skills that you have. Right. So I think I think they're your kids are getting a phenomenal, an absolutely phenomenal education and amazing experience. So, yeah, so you're, you're and also you all you're, you know, doing the unpopular thing and getting out of the mainstream and doing in the at the end of the day, I think it's it all kind of comes together and, you know, gives them the kind of education that they need. So, so good job, that's awesome. But you're also now you're trying to figure out what to do, right?

Smriti Lamech 58:57

That's the thing. I mean, while we were trying to figure throughout their lives, and, you know, things fell into place for my husband and me, in the sense that we, our intention had been to live here for about a year, let the kids settle into hospital and then we'd head back to the big city and my husband's job was only flexible for this year from this year. He, you know, from June he was moved into sort of client facing role that would have required him to be, you know, meeting businesses all the time in big cities and traveling abroad and stuff. In fact, people moving out of the country this year, but because of Corona, all those plans have changed. We have been locked down in a small town in the hills for the last for the last four months. And it's been just brilliant because until now, we've never really, you know, we used we used this place as a base and my husband was flying out for work and I was going back to Delhi for pitching for projects and you know, editing from here and that sort of thing. But somewhere around January of February, I realized that I didn't have the heart to leave the school. So I started teaching at my children's school. Also on a voluntary basis, I teach the 11th and 12th. I teach them English literature and I think I really enjoy it. I mean, I keep telling my husband that I walk into school and this this warmth, that sort of envelopes. And I don't feel like leaving at the end of the day the kids come and hug me. And these are all grown girls. And you don't find affection like that coming from teenagers who are 17 and 18. And these girls come and hug me and refuse to let me leave at the end of the day, and you don't leave yet and you don't leave you. It's completely different kind of school, where your students don't want you to leave at the end of the day. And that that's a moment that started happening. I told my husband, I don't know how we're going to leave. And my husband started really looking at his work and saying, you know what, I'm going to try and figure out a way that we can continue to work out of here. And then of course, Corona happens. So we're all we've all press the pause button on that. Right But while Sorry, no quiet. So again, so yeah, we've so we've decided to sort of make this our base for the next couple of years. And at least As long as our daughter is here, which is so she is going into class eight in August so another yeah another five years for her. So we said let's at least try and see if again I can stay here with the children and my husband can you know commute from here? It's absolutely amazing we we haven't suffered with the usual big city problems that that a you know Corona has brought you know there's there's no one to pick up an infection from there without a deserted road. We go

on walks in the forest

with absolutely fresh vegetables and a lot of unusual stuff like kale and Chinese cabbage and asparagus and stuff over here that again, you wouldn't get at a Big city you get it at a different cost. We found that we are eating healthier, we're living healthier, we're living slower. We're living a more examined life. We're living a more a slower life. Yeah, we're doing it's and it's really working for us as a family. It's working for our health. emotional and physical. So we are trying to make this our base for the time being.

Malini Sarma 1:06:28

So looking at your wild and crazy journey that you've had so far, I mean, you've got you know, there's so many things just just kind of fell into place some things that you have to fight for, is there anything that you would have changed? Or you would have told your younger self that you should you should have done better you know, so he had to go back and change something good you have

Smriti Lamech 1:06:50

if there's anything I tell my younger self it would be to belt up and get some coffee. Yeah, because I yeah, my younger self He really needs to wear a seat belt and prepare for this. But, but I think I want my younger self to know that it's going to be okay. And even as I say it now I realized that perhaps I should think of it now. Because every day especially in the middle of a pandemic, we worry, there is always something to worry about. And there is always feel, and perhaps this is the first time in my life that I've actually feared the future, you know, otherwise, it seemed like one big grand adventure, but you know, if I can tell my younger self, to, to where it's all going to be okay, I guess I can tell my current cell phone. So that is all going to be okay. I don't think I'd have changed anything. I think that my life has worked out the way it should have. I am where I am when I was supposed to be.

Unknown Speaker 1:07:43

That's awesome.

Malini Sarma 1:07:44

That's really cool. I have one last question for you. So you've always you've always spoken your truth. I think it is the you know, I think it's the impact that your parents have your strong women in your family have had, and just the kind of upbringing you've had. And now you're ready. A son and a daughter and they're watching you. Right? They see how you live your life and how you speak your truth. So what would you want them to learn from you? Or have they told you something that has surprised you? And you've realized that okay, you're doing okay.

Smriti Lamech 1:08:19

I think I think I'll disagree a little I People often say that you've raised your kids very well. But I always say my kids separates themselves. I feel like I've lived my life as, as a as, as a partner with them. I've grown as a parent along with them. And I don't mean this in any in any very wise. This is not Gan. I really feel like my kids have raised themselves and I think at some level, they've raised me. My kids are very calm, wise schools. And there are times I feel that the parent my husband and me more than the parent to them and in very gentle Calm, compassionate ways. Very often I take my cue from them, I find that I'm losing my temper, I'm doing something that I shouldn't have done. And then I see how much better they are handling a particular situation. And I'm ashamed of myself and I and I try and do better because because I'm learning from them. You know, the other day, my daughter, so I am a published author, too. And my, my daughter was reading a couple of my, some of the stuff I've written online, she's old enough. Now she goes online, she does a Google search for my name, she reads stuff that I've written. And one of the things she noticed was that in at the end of every piece in my bio, I've written I'm a mother and I'm whatever, whatever and she said, mama, why do you always mentioned that you're a mother? She says that, do you know that Hillary Clinton's bio on online at one point said wife and Bill Clinton said founder and she said that so you know, surely you would have done better than that my mother. And she said, I want to review again, you need to call up all these people and tell them to change the Bible. He's article There's a demo model from it. You know, I cannot deny the fact that I am a mother but she said Yeah, but you know find a male writer writing that

Malini Sarma 1:10:06

right? They no say their father, right?

Smriti Lamech 1:10:09

You know, their family just exists in the background, but I'm defined by my family my children have shaped me with my Odyssey that I've had the courage to do the things I've done, because every day I'd wake up and I'd asked myself do I deserve do I deserve these children? Am I done today? Something that makes me worthy of them? Have I done what would make them proud of me? And you know, most of the people tend to get risk averse with children, you know, you're more cautious about your money and about your career decisions and all that but with, with the kids, I've always I've it had the opposite effect on me. You know, it kind of galvanized me into becoming a more a person who takes more chances perhaps because I just felt that that I want them to learn from me that changes and something to be scared of and that if you if you are on a path You're You're not a tree, you know, you don't you haven't put down roads, you can pick yourself up and get off it. Wherever you find at any point in life that this is not working for me there are so many people who live their lives in utter misery. Because, you know, we've always been like this. So how can I disrupt a system? or How can I smash the patriarchy or how can I upset the avocado? You know, I will happily upset the applecart and smash the patriarchy and do whatever it takes to make my kids happy. And, and to give them the strength that they would need.

Malini Sarma 1:11:30

That is really cool. Say, I'm sure you're I would, I would really love to hear your kid's reaction after they listen to this podcast. I want to know what they have to say,

Smriti Lamech 1:11:40

Oh, they know all of this. I mean, I have a series on Facebook. I run a series of Avi isms and Omni isms the things that my children say, because they see musingly sometimes very wild things and sometimes very wise things. You know, the other day I was I was what is the I was I was making a video of a cloud on time lapse, there was a cloud moving across our cottage, on the hill that we are on, and the cloud wouldn't move fast enough for my time lapse. muttering I'm like, move faster, move faster. And then my son gave me a hand on my back. And he said, mama, it's a cloud. It needs to do what it needs to do.

Well, thanks. So, you know, so yeah, they make these dumb wise souls and, and yeah, they're doing a fairly good job of raising me.

Malini Sarma 1:12:32

That is awesome. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your taking the time to talk about your wild and crazy journey. And I'm sure a lot of other people will be inspired by listening to this and it's okay. You know, change is the only thing that's constant and there's nothing to fear.

Smriti Lamech 1:12:49

Thanks. Thanks so much for having me. I hope people will find it inspiring. I'm not sure they will. But I'd be very happy to hear that they did. Okay.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai