Mastering Your Monday with Mischelle O’Neal

Malini Sarma 0:01

Hi, Michelle, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm really, really excited one because of course you we have a, you know, a shared military background. So I'm really excited to hear your stories. And also, I know the topic that you're talking today is going to resonate so much with so many women. Because even while you were explaining to me about, you know, your business and how on your background, I'm like, I'm so impressed. So thank you. Thank you for coming today. And I want I want to, I want you to start with your story of your military background. I know you grew up in a military family and you spent most of your time growing up outside of the US. So do you want to start with that?

Mischelle O'Neal 0:47

Sure. Absolutely. And thank you so much. I am honored to be here. And let me know if I see it. The Gladiator Gladiator tricks. Yeah. Gladiator Gladiator See, I wanted to make sure I pronounced it right. But I am thrilled to be here because that's what I am. I'm a gladiatrix.

Unknown Speaker 1:10

Power Girl.

Malini Sarma 1:13

Absolutely, man. Don't mess with us.

Mischelle O'Neal 1:16

That's right. That's right. And we're forced to be reckoned with. Absolutely. So I am thrilled to be here, like I said, But yes, I am. I have a military background. I came my father was in the military. We're all out. Get it out. Right. right up front. We're all Air Force. So I came from a military family. My father was in the Air Force and we traveled after my first six years of life. I spent most of the rest of my life overseas. And it started with the Philippines. So I love the Philippines was there for four years of elementary, and then I did two years over and Irakli on Crete. In Greece, and then I went back to the Philippines. So it is I guess I'm an island girl because I basically spent a lot of my life on islands. So

Malini Sarma 2:13

that is awesome. So coming back, I mean, she You said you spent a lot of your time, you know, for six years. You were in the Philippines. You were in Greece, and then you came back to the US. But you you because of your dad and he was moving around. You spent a lot of your time in Asia, correct?

Mischelle O'Neal 2:30

Yes, I did. And it was hard. I think one of the things you learn as a military child is nothing certain. Things are always changing, whether it's the house you live in, whether it's whether you're on base or off base, whether it's the people, the neighborhood that you live in the people that you're around. So, when we moved overseas, I was taken from everything that I was familiar with. where I lived at that time, it was my grandmother, my grandfather, my uncles, my mom, my, my godparents everybody was around me. So I was in a cocoon. I was very sheltered. But when I went overseas all of a sudden it's new language, new smells, people new environment jeepneys traffic you know foods are different everything language within

Malini Sarma 3:29

friends, right?

Mischelle O'Neal 3:31

Yes. Yes. What friends you gotta make them yeah.

Malini Sarma 3:34

Every Were you always like the new kid in class, you know, and having to make new friends every single time you moved?

Mischelle O'Neal 3:40

Absolutely, absolutely. It. You kind of in some aspects you kind of build this shell. This this skin. I don't want to say a shell is a skin because I'm not hardening people out with his skin that a layer of skin that you build because You know that that relationship is only for a certain amount of time. So you really embrace those relationships and that learning while you in it, you learn to appreciate your present and, and really live in the moment, because you don't know how long you're going to be there. And you try to take it forward with you. But you also begin to learn that all relationships don't last, I just read something the other day, that people will come in our lives for a season for a reason, or for a lifetime. So that's something I had to learn in early, early age.

Malini Sarma 4:40

And I think that's, I think that's key in your mental makeup, you know, and how you deal with situations. So I think you I think that probably had a major influence on your joining the Air Force as well, right?

Mischelle O'Neal 4:54

Absolutely. Because as I when I came back to the States, I was 18 years old, graduated, just graduated from high school. And I spent my first year working and stuff and I was like, Oh no, I cannot live here for the rest of my life because I was so I was so indoctrinated, always moving, always having changed some type of change in my life. So I just knew the best way to make things happen for me, and because I wanted to go to college, and I want it to be able to pay for it and all that, well, what better way to go in the military, they're gonna pay for my college. They're gonna they're gonna take me all over the world. Hey, I'm in.

Malini Sarma 5:41

So after you, you came back to the States. You were here properly for just about a year and then you when you join the military, you joined the Air Force and you were back overseas again.

Mischelle O'Neal 5:50

Yes, I did, you know, one year back into the states. And what did I do? I put in for a long extended tour overseas. I was ready to go back and They sent me

back over in Asia. So I went to Okinawa, Japan, another island Sea Island girl. There you go.

Malini Sarma 6:13

So, um, so you while you were in the Air Force, you met your partner, you stayed in the Air Force for a long time. So can you tell us a little bit more about your experience in the Air Force as a black woman? And you know, your because you had that military background some of the some of the advantages because you have already seen you know, the game being played.

Mischelle O'Neal 6:36

Well, there were there were advantages and disadvantages. So the first thing is when you go to basic training, they try to scare you to death. Well, I wasn't scared because I had been around the military all my life. So I knew what it was really like inside. So nothing they could do to me or say to me with with would bother me because it was like, Yeah, whatever. I know what it's really like inside. So don't don't play your games with me. So that helped me get that mentality helped me get through basic training and and keep my fortitude to make it through. But then the other thing is as I got in, actually my first job was dominantly male profession because I went in as an electrician. So when I went in, there was only two women in that field. And when they sent me they sent me where I didn't even know that they sent me what they call direct duty assignment. So I had to learn the job on the job and and didn't really understand it. Well, now let's move forward overseas. Now, I'm a woman that don't really know the job, huh? I'm a black woman in a predominantly white male environment. And then I go to Japan, which is which is a predominantly male environment, as far as for the military working in In the military, and they, their their views of how aware a woman should be is totally different. Oh yeah. Mm hmm. So I'm dealing with this because I'm trying to learn my job. They don't want me to do the work because I'm a girl. I'm a woman. So no, no, no, Michelle sign. No, no, we got it, we got it. So we're fighting all of that, but you learn to there's a fine line and you create that respect. And so over time, they began to respect me for who I was, because because of my strong personality, and I was, I was I forge forward and made things happen.

Malini Sarma 8:48

That is awesome. So um, do you spend majority of your Airforce life overseas? Or did you come back to the US and you serve here as well

Mischelle O'Neal 8:58

as served both But I spent a total of

about six years overseas, went to Japan went back to Japan looks like the only call and

Malini Sarma 9:12

I know,

Mischelle O'Neal 9:14

which is another island.

And I, I was there for, I think four additional years. So I love it over there. I really love the culture. One of the things I'll tell anyone if you ever go overseas, immerse yourself in the culture that you're in, don't stay on the base or wherever, learn the people learn the culture because it's so important to our our growth, your growth as a person because you get to see different aspects of other lives and your, your vision. your understanding of human nature is totally different.

Malini Sarma 9:54

Yeah, yeah, I absolutely agree. So, um, you talked about how Your mom has played a major role in your outlook to life. Right? You want to talk about that a little bit your story about your you know, the influence your mom has had on you?

Mischelle O'Neal 10:15

Absolutely. She's my backbone. I don't think I would have made it without her and her personality, because she's adventurous. And so every time we would go overseas because this was new for her too, every time we move a go somewhere. It was she attacked it with excitement and adventure, ready to learn something new. But what really turned for me is when not too long ago, a few years back, we decided to do something my sister and my brothers and I decided to do something special for my mom. And when we did, we thought what we do is make a video on how she impacted her life. And so of course, when you're going to do something like that, you want to Really think it through? And where was it that she really impacted me. And as I look back on my life, I remember I realized she set me up to be the woman that I am today by one particular lesson that she taught me as a child. And that what she taught in that lesson was how to that she always had my back. So you always have a strong backbone people to support you, but you don't rely totally on them. Because you need to rely on what you already have your available resources and stand up for yourself. They're there to help you and support you. But you've also got to be able to help and support yourself.

Malini Sarma 11:47

Yes, and I think and I think that is so key, especially for a lot of women. You don't realize the strength that you have within yourself. You know, the moment you know that there's somebody has got your back then you're like Boom, I could do whatever, nobody can stop me.

Mischelle O'Neal 12:04

Exactly. And then one of the things is, is if I could share just a little of the story, because I know we were, well, what it was is, and this was actually in the United States. I was. No, it wasn't. It was in the Philippines that was nine years old. Sorry. That's where it was. I was nine years old. And these three girls and I can't even remember if they were sisters. It's funny how we remember certain details and other ones kind of go away. But these three girls wanted to beat me up. And so what do you do? You run away and you run to your mom? She was standing there and the screen door had her hand on her hips and she says, What is your problem? And I'm just bawling. And she tells the girls, whatever. She says, I don't care what you do. She said, you get you a break. You get you a state, but you get your tail back out there. You fight, or I will beat your tail myself. And I know that sounds so harsh. But it's the lesson, I looked at her. And it was that courage that I got and that fear because it's like do I want to beat from my mom because I think her is a probably hurt a little Yeah,

Malini Sarma 13:17

scarier thing, that again, getting in trouble with mom that it is getting beat up by somebody else.

Mischelle O'Neal 13:23

But it teaches you to move through your fear. move through your fear. So it was like, I feared her more than the fear I had for those little girls. And she she gave me my tools. She said, pick up our brick or stick. They were right there. So pick up whatever resources you already have, and get back out there and fight. So she believed that I could do it. And in that course, then I had to believe that I could do it. And I don't even know to this point right? Now I still cannot remember whether I won or lost. But when I went running back to her, excuse me, and I felt empowered, because I knew that I had stood up for myself, and it didn't matter whether I won.

Malini Sarma 14:16

Yeah. And I think it's the, it's the fight, right? It's not even whether you win or lose. It's the fact that you stayed in the arena, and didn't give up. And I think that's really, really important. Exactly, because at that point, that's where I have control over what happened to me that day. That's, I mean, and I think that is the essence of you and my show. It's about, you know, it's not about how big or small you are. It's the fact that you stayed. You recognize that you need to be there and you fought your battle, whether you win or lose is besides the point, but the fact that you have the courage to stay where you were, I think that is that is huge.

Mischelle O'Neal 14:58

And the other thing is You will make it to the other side.

Malini Sarma 15:03

And I think that's important for people to know too. You will make it to the other side. Whether your bloody beat you know beat up or not. You will survive.

Mischelle O'Neal 15:11

I will rise. Yeah.

Exactly.

Malini Sarma 15:17

Oh, that is such a cool that is that is so powerful. It's so powerful. And I'm sure so is this what kind of, you know, guided you towards you right now you have you have mastering your Monday, but it started off at something else. You want to talk a little bit about that?

Mischelle O'Neal 15:36

Well, I started off as an image consultant because I realized women we as women, we we beat ourselves up and we don't feel like we're enough and, and a lot of times we think it's because we feel we don't look good enough. And people judge us by how we look. So I thought, you know, I'm going to be an image consultant and help us feel good about ourselves. And then I realized as I worked with the women that I worked with, it really wasn't about the clothes. It was about how they felt about themselves, and how they felt and being their worth, their value, and what they believed about themselves. And see that that again is a good thing my mother did for me, she made me have a good story to lock into and believe about myself, I can do it no matter what I can do it. So it's, it's those old stories and patterns that we have in our lives. So as I as I thought about this, I started thinking, Well, what is it that I can teach where I can show or help someone understand that has helped me and that is where thought you know, mastering your Monday and part of that is learning and practicing the art of thought over circumstance. And and and that's where You realize that you can't control your circumstances, you have no control over whether this pandemic is here, you have no control over a tornado, you have no control over whether how someone acts toward you, or how your job acts towards you. Whether you lose a job, whatever, those things you have no control over. Yeah, but you can control you.

Malini Sarma 17:28

Yep, you're talking about even you're in an abusive relationship to you. You have, you really don't have a lot of control on how another person will react towards you. Would you know how you can react?

Mischelle O'Neal 17:41

Exactly. And, and one of the stories I always tell and I have a wonderful husband now so it wasn't this one. Let me tell you, I love that man to life. But in the past when I was young, it was when I was very young. But the thing is, I found out even in that room lationship one of the most powerful things I remember is I was in the midst of something going on, and I thought to myself, you can do what ever you want with my body, but you do not control my mind. That's thought over circumstance. That's when you move remove that power from that person.

And it just gives you a sense of freedom. Oh, yeah.

That is amazing.

Malini Sarma 18:30

Yeah. Yeah. It is so empowering. Right? When you realize that the power that you have over that, nobody can control you. That is just, that's just phenomenal.

Mischelle O'Neal 18:45

Yes, yes.

Malini Sarma 18:46

So tell me more. Tell me more about mastering your Monday thought or circumstance.

Mischelle O'Neal 18:52

Well, mastering your Monday is about a lot of a lot of times when we're in these circumstances, we get stuck. We We feel that we can't move forward because we're so overwhelmed. It's like what do I do? How can I get past this? I don't see a way out. And so mastering your Monday isn't really about Monday. But look at how we think about Monday. Monday is our fresh start a new beginning, is is our way and our desire to find a way beyond that prison that we find ourselves captive in, in that in that particular moment, and it's our do over, it's our chance to make it right. So that's why I started mastering your Monday, because I want every woman to and every woman to understand that we're not stuck where we are. We can start again. We have a do over. We can get through, we can move forward. But how do we do that? We do that through site. How are we think it through how we look at this article? circumstance. So we must learn to look beyond our circumstance. We're so locked into what's happening with us. We can't see on the other side. So we have to find a way to look to the other side and realize that things aren't always what they seem. But we have to be able to pull back.

Malini Sarma 20:20

Yeah. So when you are talking about mastering Monday, like you said, it's not about the Monday but it's about a new beginning. How do you when you have your clients, how do you get them to start thinking, I'm sure you have steps you'd like you know, these are the basic steps you have to start with. How, how do you go about that?

Mischelle O'Neal 20:40

Well, I have what I call a signature living mat technique. And I say, all the best work, all the great fights take place on the mat. Okay. So and that's, and that's and what brought that about is because I'm a fighter, so I'm always thinking boxing or or Are martial arts, because all of those happen on the mark on the mat. But what we don't understand is the real fight for those fighters. Start in the mind, you know, it's not about all the technique techniques are great. But that's not what's gonna make us win. Because the smallest little Win Win, WI nd Yeah, will blow us down. So we need to be able to stand even when it looks like we're going to lose. And so that's why I really studied fighting. I studied martial arts. I looked at that and realize that it's really our mindset. And so with that, we have to have mind shifts from our own mindset and that's the M is our mind shifts that we have about our old patterns, about our beliefs about our values. Because it's our values and beliefs that will, will make us will propel the action. We only act on what we believe, or what we value. You can want all day to lose weight, you can work all day to, to change jobs or whatever. But if you don't believe you deserve to change your job, you don't believe that, that you deserve to, to lose those pounds, because it's something that happened to you and you don't want to look attractive. Because in the back of your mind, you're thinking, if I look attractive, I'm gonna, I'm going to get these kind of people looking at me and this is going to happen. those beliefs are stopping you from moving forward. So we have to work with those values and beliefs first, which is changing the mindset. And then my mom comes into play. That's the a the arsenal if you ever saw the movie King's Men or anything like that, where he walks into this room and everything he needs to fight his battle? Is there everything, all the technical devices? Well, we have everything we need. We have the skills, the techniques that we've learned, the experiences that we brought with us. And we also have, we have people, our community, the people that the doctors, the lawyers, the family, the best friends, those cheers, all those people are our arsenal. All that builds for what we can pull on when we need to go in there and fight. And then finally, is our training and our our techniques. It's the things that we know already that we've learned, but also you have to evaluate what am I missing for this particular situation and How do I go and get it?

So that's how, that's the process I take them through.

Malini Sarma 24:07

Okay, so just to get an idea. So if I was your client and I came to you, you know, you would be what? How would you start? Like, what would you start with? Okay with current situation, what is your mindset? Were you thinking where you want to go? And then No.

Mischelle O'Neal 24:24

Well, I'm sorry. No, yes and no, we won't even hit the mat until I know where you want to go. Ah, okay. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Work doesn't work doesn't work if you don't know where you want to go. So you always have to have the the end in sight.

Malini Sarma 24:45

Yes. Okay. And then your your job is as your trainer or coach is basically getting you out of that current mindset, and then moving towards where you want to go. Right? And what have you, what are some of your experiences? You've seen some of the stories that you've seen for the women who want to get there? Is it? Is it? You know, is it mainly in? How hard or how, how easy has it been for most women, once you have told them, you're giving them the tools? Wherever you want the transformation?

Mischelle O'Neal 25:22

Excuse me, I'm sorry. Everybody does not want to be there. Everybody. Everybody thinks, how do I how do I say a lot of people think they want to make those changes. But when they find out the work that's needed to make those changes, everybody isn't willing to do the work. Okay. So that's one of the first things that needs to be determined. How bad do you want it is that there's an old saying when the pain when the pain to stay the same is greater than the pain the change, you know. So at that Point, one of those pains have to be the pain to stay the same has to be greater than the pain to change for you to make that change. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah.

Malini Sarma 26:11

Yeah. Okay, it has to hurt that bad. There's no other option but to move that

Mischelle O'Neal 26:16

Exactly, exactly. You have to really want want to do it. And so that's one of the first things we have to determine, do you really want to make this change? Is this important to you? And why? Because if you don't have something to, to spare you on to push you on, even when you don't want to finish that we know that for in our businesses, and in your business. If you don't have a good why, when things get tough. You're going to just say, you know what, I don't need this. I'm fine. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah.

Malini Sarma 26:53

I and I think and i think that i think that some of the things we learned also right what is your why when you whenever you start your business to Like, what is your WHY? And you have to keep reminding yourself of that when things go go bad to how badly do you want this?

Mischelle O'Neal 27:07

Exactly. And for women, a lot of times, I don't want my child to have to go through this. I don't want to deal with this anymore. Whatever it is, you know, I don't want to have to feel this way the next time I lose my job. I don't want to you know, so those are the things I don't want to now one of my one of my favorite clients, actually she is she has MS. And so right now she is confined to her wheelchair. But her goal she's really she learned that naturopathic medicine really helps people with MS. But because of the fight that she's having, and the work that she had to do, she felt that you know, she was giving up basically, she was giving up and After a conversation and we talked and she was prior military, and we had a conversation, and she says, I really want to walk again. She says, I want to get out of this chair. And she says, and I know that the thing that helped me most was when I did this naturally through naturopathic medicine and I had a doctor that worked with me, and I understand the benefits. But I also want people in lower income families to understand that they can, they can stop the the bad health and everything ahead of time that they can be proactive and, and help themselves ahead of time. And I wish they knew this. And I would love to set up a clinic or something to help these people in these neighborhoods. And I just looked at her and I said, Why can't you that's why why can't you and so one of the first things we did is because I knew she Was prime military. I said, Have you ever looked at these avenues to see if you know, their pay for this if you can get this medical help, and we started looking at what opportunities were out there for her, how can the government help? At the time, we got to a certain area, they were paying for her. She was getting the physical therapy that she needed it. They were giving her the different, the wheelchair and the different things that she needed. And they were taking care of it because she was a veteran, but is sometimes not knowing the places the look or the things to look for. So that's the first thing she started doing. But then I said, Well, what else do you want to do? She says when I think I want to learn, neuropathic neuropathic, naturopathic medicine, I think I would like to learn it. This isn't Why can't you? Well, I would have to look into this school and I really want to well upon All they can do is say no. So we started that process. So right now she is in school, working on her degree her master's in naturopathic medicine. And she has been doing her therapy and stuff and actually doing better and her whole family now is on this regimen of natural Pathak life and everything. So those are the things that are so warming to my heart. It wasn't what what I did, but it is what she did for herself and how she could see her life moving forward.

Malini Sarma 30:42

And that that's, that's awesome. And you're just being the coach and kind of guiding her to where she needs to go. Right. And exactly, and that's what you're mastering and Monday's all about now you do have a Did you have a book you said you had a book

Mischelle O'Neal 30:55

as well? Absolutely. And it's titled mastering your Mondays. lessons to fight for the woman inside and set her free. And the reason for that I use you're here in that book. There'll be a few times quite a few times, I'll mention things that my mother has told me over the time, they'll say, and she had, and the lessons that I learned through those sayings. But I think the most thing is, there are things that we deal with in life, that we don't think about the fact that, you know, your actions determine your, your, your consequences, and a lot of times we don't think about the consequences. And then I talk about the patterns in our life and the brokenness that we have in our life. Well, instead of thinking of what is broken, you ever look at a mosaic? Hmm, one of the most beautiful pieces of glasses, but what is it made of broken glass? broken pieces. So why can't we start to to form our own mosaic with our life? Why can't we create something beautiful out of the broken pieces that we have in

Unknown Speaker 32:00

our lives. That's you know, that's it. That's an amazing analogy. I love that. It's so cool. I never thought about it like that before. Yeah.

Mischelle O'Neal 32:09

Yeah, I mean, they're making tables, they're making money off of windows, they're making everything off of those beautiful little pieces of broken glasses. And it's amazing how they just all come together and fit but don't fit. They still keep their each piece keeps its own individuality. Hmm. So, you know, you think about that as our as we are as we, as people, too, you know, right. That's, that's how we fit we have a and so I start with a love letter to to every woman. You know, I start with that. And I talked about like I said, I talked about perceptions. You know, dealing with with love in our life expectations, how we always falling into experts, expectations and and all that About how we need to look at life as as a wonderful place to dance. I love dance and I know you do too. Yes I did. And so I talked about dancing as if no one's watching and that freedom, freedom that you have just to dance full out, just attack life Fullout. You know?

Malini Sarma 33:22

That is awesome. I love that. So is your book available online to purchase for Amazon? How does if somebody wants to get ahold of it how Amazon

Mischelle O'Neal 33:30

mastering your Monday is on Amazon mastering your Monday or you can go to my website mastering your Monday comm forward slash m y i m y m book. So mastering your Monday book, you know, so either way and there you can actually read an excerpt of one of the chapters.

Malini Sarma 33:51

Awesome. Awesome. That is so cool. Thank you, Michelle. I really really appreciate your coming today and talking about mastering your Monday. I love that Your stories, I mean, I can resonate with so much of them because you know, military background myself being brought Navy brat myself so I can totally relate. So I really appreciate your coming and I will definitely have all the links and the link to your book on the show notes. So just wanna let you know that

Mischelle O'Neal 34:19

Thank you. It has been such an honor. It's been fun I I hope to add you to my arsenal as someone wonderful to know and get to know better so this has been wonderful.

Malini Sarma 34:34

Thank you so much.

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