Season 1, Episode 27

Finding your purpose

with

Sarah Millan

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Today’s Guest

In today’s episode I am speaking with Sarah Millan.

In her own words:

I am Sarah Millan, Proud Owner of a fantastic community of growing Womxn,  Soul Collective YYC.
I am A Conscious Consultant.

I guide, focus back attention on and engage you to consider not just the lifestyle around you but the reason you choose them at all. This helps you come deeper inside of you to consider your purpose and direction by asking the question; why do I get in my own way?!

 I teach you how to empower yourself from the inside out, one real practical meets spiritual pivot in life at a time. I demystify meditation, mindfulness and inner work and bring it all back to real-life practical approach with humour and real check-ins. Seriously, if I can do it, so can you. Mom of 2, entrepreneur, pragmatic, practical gal who ran around a long time with my hair on fire only to learn because I am innate a worrier and lived with anxiety that there has to be another way. My journey wasn’t an aha moment, it an ‘oh crap one’, and that’s perfect for what is real life! Wouldn’t you say? So, if you want real, if you want the truth, if you want fun along with deeper chats in the same space, I’m here. I’m a safe space, I m a real space and I am someone who went from surviving my life to thriving it.

Let me show you how to discover the true you and take back your life.

Peace, Empowerment and Freedom are an inside job first. Join me, because someone out there on the planet believes in you more than you could believe in yourself. That is a powerful start! Start now, start with you, start within.

Check out soulcollectiveyyc.com/roar for my Intuition challenge and find out how you can trust yourself more, discover the deepest you and realign back to your spark, your Soulful life is waiting for you!

 

If you love the show please leave a rating or a review.

If you have a comment or question please reach out to me at malini@malinisarma.com or on Instagram @gladiatrixpodcast

Guests

Sarah Millan

 Get This Episode

Unknown Speaker 0:01

Hi, Sarah,

Malini Sarma 0:01

thank you so much for joining the show. I'm really, really looking forward to talking to you, because this is one of the topics that I have grown up with. And I'm really excited to talk to you.

Sarah Millan 0:14

Yeah, Malini was such a treat to be on your show. Thank you for letting me be part of this.

Malini Sarma 0:19

Oh, no, no, I'm really excited. So I'm just listening to you know, talk when you talked about your background and, and in all the, you know, your, your journey. It's, it's, I'm just fascinated, you said, you have a Scottish mom in a Spanish father, and you grew up in Canada as the oldest of three sisters.

Sarah Millan 0:44

Yes, I am. The epitome of a little bit of that Canadian dream are those suppose the North American dream, you know, you, you work so hard to build something and you end up wandering off across the planet to seek whatever riches it is, you know, you should and before you know it, you fall in love. And there you are creating a family somewhere else that looks like the free world and, and so begins the journey of creating the, you know, the next generation and I am first generation Canadian and proudly so and I come from a spicy background, my mom is Scottish through and through. And my father is Spanish and gosh knows how they got together. Let me tell you, you know, I mean, this, this poll to find each other, and then they actually had five kids. So I'm the oldest of my family. And yeah, it creates a wonderful occasion to to get together. And we're really lucky us all as siblings, and that's really cool there.

Malini Sarma 1:48

So

Sarah Millan 1:48

what was it like growing up? Oh, man, well, growing up in in Canada and growing up with immigrant father, English is his second language. I know you, you understand, right? What I'm speaking to you, as do many of you out there. I used to do a lot of talking for him, you know, with the bank tellers and things like that, making sure he was heard. And I took my my ownership of my role as the oldest very seriously. I had a really interesting, kind of a poignant ability growing up, like, this thing happened, where my mum had me and she had me very young at 15. And my father was just a baby to at 19. And they came together. And for whatever reason, there I was. And it was very, very striking the situation of having, you know, an unwed mother growing up in a Catholic family, and that the dynamics were very strict there. And here, she was pregnant. And I think she became a bit of a piece of shame for her parents. And I know, there was a lot of difficulty and things not being said, probably in the room amidst all of them at the dinner table, and a lot of very interesting not ability to conversations. And I think that it created a lot of judgment for my mom, and there was a lot of proving herself. And so when I was born, as as my granny had said, and who's passed since, but at the time, she had said, you know, it was quite a storm before you came, and then you arrived, and it was as if the sun came out. Oh, I think that all of the the nuances and the judgment because a baby arrived, right, and they chose to keep me in the home. And they they said my mother should stay with them until she was, you know, an adult, and then she could decide for herself about marriage, etc. And my dad had a lot of strict, you know, you can see me once a week, and that was really all he was allowed. So I didn't have a lot of I didn't know my father all that well, until later, in the years, when we finally bought a house when we got to be a real family and my mom, they got married and moved out. And then they didn't have kids until I was seven and my sister was born and then they just kind of Boom, boom, boom, had them a lot of them after that. And it's really been an interesting ability that I've developed because I am I know what it feels like to be an only child. I know the I know the loneliness and I know that kind of longing for for to belong to something. But I also know what it feels like feels like to have that solace of being able to play alone. And and my imagination was rampant and big. And and then the siblings came along and it was kind of asked of me to really step up and be a third parent in the house. That's been a really interesting, you know, observing myself now, from what it was like growing up. I would call it living in duality. You know, which is something that I do even in my daily life now, you know, where I really live in two parts of myself. And yet those two parts make a hole of me, that's something that I've come into the virtue of and become very worthy in that conversation within me, all of me belongs. And I will say that to my clients now, in the in the work that I do, all of you, all of you is welcome at my table. Mm hm. And that, that must come from that lasting space of having not really being sure where I belonged in railways, and developing what now I could consider the skill sets of me to do the work that I do for people around the globe. Mm hmm. Without the noise and the buzz, I guess, all these siblings, you know, was already creating something inside of me. And then, you know, I, I care deeply for humans, and I care deeply for my family. And so it was a really interesting upbringing, I felt like I got to be kind of to people, you know, and then I had to grow up pretty fast in my teen years to be a real parent. My mom had my youngest brother, when I was 16. Oh, wow, I was really, it was really asked of me to, to, you know, my, my, going into my, you know, my math diploma exam, for example, with baby spit up on me, because that was my life, and just a different dynamic than then other people had at that time in their lives. And I really believe that it created something inside of me of a type of resilience, and I've really grown from it.

Malini Sarma 6:41

Yeah, no, I can relate. Because I think, you know, like, for example, my mother, she's the, I'm the oldest, my mother's the oldest of six. And, you know, it's like, she's looking after the younger ones, while her mother while her mother is having still having babies. So, you know, it's like, you grow up very, very quickly, when you when you have to look after you, there's a big age gap like that means you're very close to your, your mother's side of the family, right? Because your granny remember your aunts

Sarah Millan 7:08

you know at this magical thing, you know, was was gifted to me, that's called love. And not everybody has access to that, in the way that it showed up for me, and I really think it helped shape me a lot. You know, it wasn't always love. When I was at home, there's a lot of, you know, toxicity and, and difficulty with my parents fighting. And the dynamics were very difficult between them. But there was this beautiful kind of peace, when she would drop me off at my grandparents. And I, I really nurtured that time that I had with them. And they had a huge, huge value on the raising of me. And my grandmother said, a very poignant thing to me, which I totally didn't get at the time at all. But I think it's probably my daughter's age now about 11 maybe 12. And she said, darlin, you have a tongue in your head for a reason. Use it. Wow. Yeah, and, you know, coming from a mother and a woman who had given up her singing, you know, career etc, to have children and get married and do what we do in our cultures, that feels like the right thing to do, to then emigrate and move across the globe to Canada, with this family, you know, all these, these parts and pieces of, of what is and it just feels very, very observational to me, then I would have been this woman, this this sort of my guess this entity, this this energy of what she was, would have kind of been my safe space. And, and that's a real, that's a real good, I mean, don't get me wrong, she, she could be pretty crass, and she could be difficult, like a real difficult woman. But she knew, you know, she was real feminist before, she was a feminist, you know, right, kind of, she kind of knew herself, and yet she didn't quite know how to put that into action. So I think she was kind of guiding like, nudging me along, and to figure out my own belonging and, you know, use your voice and find what you are and don't just kind of fall into the hamster wheel, which of course, I totally did. Like everybody. You know, you don't listen to these things. When they're actually given to you. you reflect on them later. That's how it works. Right? Yeah, exactly.

Malini Sarma 9:36

So from your, from your usually, I've noticed and you and my family too people who are gifted with the sight, either they see or the feel like in your case, you're an empath, right. So it's usually comes from the mother's side, the women are usually the strongest, you know, it usually comes down to the mothers and I'm presuming that is the case. In your case, as well, but you didn't realize that, that that was not normal, and that not everybody had that gift, and people will get upset with you. So yeah,

Sarah Millan 10:11

I was a lot of speaking out of turn and getting myself into trouble and mentioning things here and there that I shouldn't be saying are, you know, and to have to be sincere, I guess it would be called a seer. I'm someone who just can basically, my gift is I can sit with people in their energy and know exactly what they're not saying. Like really, and, and that's a, that's a high level understanding of yourself first, to know enough within you, you know, and to feel safe within me, which I've worked very hard at over these years. Because back in the day, it felt very unsafe, and it felt very hair on fire, and it was very unsure. Like what's wrong with me? Maybe I shouldn't talk, you know, there's a lot of that that went on inside of me, because everything that a lot of times what came out of my mouth was either nothing about anything, when I was easily talking about the weather and things that didn't matter, because that was easiest. Trying to shut myself down, because I was so scared of, you know, seeing beyond what the world was telling me to see. I didn't know what to do with all of it, it just felt really overwhelming. And I had these gifts from a very young as long as I can remember, I've been able to do and see a lot of things and read a lot of things and really know what people are thinking.

Malini Sarma 11:43

And so who read who recognize that you have that gift? Was it your grandmother, your aunt, your mom?

Sarah Millan 11:49

Yeah, my mom, my mom does not have it. But she's very good, too. You know, in the beginning, it was really shut down. She was quite, you know, we didn't really talk about that stuff so much. But over time, you know, those interesting, poignant moments in life where you think, or we were taught, we talk about my Gran, and then she would phone on the land, you know, back in the day when we had land land line with Oh, yeah, yeah. With the long cord and the, you know, the receiver and the dial all the things, and she would phone and you know, my mother would hang up and go, well, Wasn't that a funny thing? You know, your granny called? And I was we were just talking about her and I would be in my head like, yeah, I asked her to call like, but then you doubt yourself, you know? And did I ask, what was that? And oh, maybe it is a coincidence? No, because this is what we're created from. And we only believe what we are permitted to believe within the constraints of what is not what we're not afraid of growing. Right, right, right. So your parents really show you what is safe. And anything outside of those parameters just is not safe. So we choose to not buy into it. And so I was, you know, raised with a lot of practicality and, and yet I had these abilities. And my sister also has have the abilities. And my brothers both are quite empathic, and for different reasons. And I have one sister who, you know, she would shut that shut that crap down as hard as she could to not not be a part of it. Because it's just, it's just not where I wants to be. It's too much. Yeah. But But there you have it, it's there. And I think that a lot of people in in my family looking through the ranks of the family dynamics, I think they quite do have it like I'm looking at cousins and especially on my Scottish side, all the women there I can see it, man, whether they try or choose to use it or not. It's very poignant, and they're all really beautiful seers and they have these warm abilities to have you feel like you belong, right. It's just a really lovely thing.

Malini Sarma 13:54

So what about your grandmother was she was she also an empath? Yeah, yeah, I

Sarah Millan 13:58

would say she was very much so I mean, practical woman through and through very glass go through and through so very deadpan and how her approach to life and funny funny funny What a funny woman great sense of humor. And yeah, I mean, my grandfather, I think more so he was quite Catholic, but much more spiritual. I think then he gave himself credit for you know, he had these abilities to, to bring it down back into unconditional love and remember love in the conversation and he really loved his family and really showed up for his communities very much a volunteer out there and just a good person through and through. And so I was I was I was very lucky to have that because then the duality, the other side of that coin, is the home life that I was raised with was very volatile and difficult with a lot of shutting down a lot of Be quiet and don't do that don't talk because there's just a lot of uncertainty and you My mom had a lot to lose from having a daughter, very young. I needed to be really quite perfect for the world to accept us. Right? We were a team her and I, right. She was young. And so I don't discredit her for how she approached things. I totally get it. That's exactly what the world tells us, right? Oh, no, no, you got to do better, you know, the people are going to be judging you. So you got it, you know, she's got to be perfect. And manners, manners, manners, and you know, all the things that go with that. So I ended up being deeply rooted and being a rebel because the the energies and everything I was picking up on around me, right did not add up to the life I was living. So I was a little bit of an imposter in my own life, actually, and a little bad,

Malini Sarma 15:42

you were the good little bad girl, right? I was, yeah,

Sarah Millan 15:46

there's just a lot of things that weren't said a lot of things that weren't talked about, and a lot of drama in the house. So the drama just took hold, and everyone just focused on the drama. Meanwhile, I'm swooping underneath, you know, under the radar, so to speak, and just quietly creating these new beliefs and these new ideas inside of me and slowly developing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was terrified of these abilities. And I thought, like, Oh, my gosh, no one will accept me, I won't belong. And if anyone's out there believing that I'm telling you, you do belong. And there are many, many places on this planet where you can choose to develop yourself and and love yourself more deeply, because of it really, as an empath is fours is to be the lightkeeper where the space makers were the ones who can show up in the room, and just let you be, you just get to be what you are.

Malini Sarma 16:40

Oh, I like that new spacemaker. So so your Did you did you like when you were growing up? Did your sisters and you Did you guys discuss the fact that you guys had you know, had the had that that that intuition or that extra that nobody else had? Or

Sarah Millan 16:58

was a little bit your parents, your mom any further than other people would in their own households, you know, Catholic, there was certain constraints to how we were allowed to talk about these things. I mean, more and more between us. You had mentioned things about you know, different, you know, did you feel that or what is that? I'm kind of stuck, but not really know, like, it wasn't until I moved out actually that I went back and and would make comments about the house or things that would go on and so and so's house or whatever, and then my sister be like, Oh, my God, you you had that too. And I'd be like, Oh, yeah, how did we never talk about that? It just, I think the drama of how we were raised, okay,

Malini Sarma 17:39

kind of shut it down.

Sarah Millan 17:40

Yeah, it just took on its own life. And there was no room for being yourself. There was no room for that. Not really, we were too busy showing up for what the world wanted us to be. What I

Malini Sarma 17:53

mean by that, right? Yeah, no, I so so after you after high school did you do you like leave Canada and go to college, you travel the world? What did you do? How did you rebel against all of this?

Sarah Millan 18:08

You know, drama, like the only person it felt like probably not been me and one of the guy who was taken over as his dad's business, probably were the only two people in our IB school that were going to not going to university and I remember having a deep deep shame spiral about that and being so like, I don't belong here and how is it that I'm a part of this community of people who are very driven and smart and motivated and yet I'm here just not choosing that somebody didn't have the choice I very well could have and really, my parents didn't have much money but we would have figured it out. But But I knew that my path was something else and so I asked for instead of that bit of of tuition I asked for a one way ticket to Europe as my graduation gift. And and so that that was the gift and I left and I was gone for a long time and I did a lot of growing up at that time and did I think more learnings than a person could do in a four year degree well in the time I was away really living and having to make ends meet and figure it out and be resourceful and reach people and I was also developing all these skill sets around me you know like and how to trust myself and trust my intuition while you travel like that's a huge part of travel Oh yes.

Malini Sarma 19:32

Oh yes. Yes. So well where did you go

Sarah Millan 19:36

I was living over in Europe so went to kind of rekindle and visit and actually went to understand my father better you know, back in in Spain and learn his family a little bit more deeply. It felt a lot very important to me to grab it my roots and kind of target them and get to know them a little bit like what is this and and yeah, just ended up in different parts of Europe from there and I love the south of France. I work there for a good while and love my apartment there and the people it was such a great time to be alive.

Malini Sarma 20:11

Mm hm.

Sarah Millan 20:13

I felt like responsibility. But I look at that now and I'm like, Whew,

Unknown Speaker 20:16

that was a

Unknown Speaker 20:18

Ceylan,

Unknown Speaker 20:19

man. That

Sarah Millan 20:19

was nothing. You know, you know, it was it was, it was a great in the most responsible thing I could have done for myself. because it gave me the ability to break from everything I knew. Everything I ever had understood, and to stop being what my family kept asking me to be, which was just to plead just to keep like, please just please us when I became quite a people pleaser, right? Because I didn't know how to honor my own gifts. Yeah, I just kind of giving it all away in a lot of ways too, as I call it, I no longer serve as a peacekeeper. I'm now a peacemaker maker. Right. And I think they're very different sides of that, of that duality, you

Malini Sarma 21:08

know? Mm hmm. Yeah, no, no, that it completely changes how you look at the world. And you know, in how, when people, people are usually upset in the beginning, right, because you don't know you're putting your foot down. You're saying no. And that's really hard. It is. Hard to do that. I

Sarah Millan 21:28

remember my mom begging me to stay like I remember her being so so excited and buy me the ticket and Okay, we're gonna do this. I'm so happy for you. Like any mother would? I mean, Good Lord, I was 18 I was a baby. Like, really, you're just gonna move away. Look at that now and I'm like, wow, that was actually super brave because I didn't really have a plan I just sort of arrived right and you know, it's very different opportunity and she just sort of held her own I think through that and she didn't say No, she didn't have a temper tantrum. She just was like, okay, darling, let's help you figure that out. But it was a little bit closer to actually leaving that she was like please don't go actually I didn't really realize you would go I guess you know and then and then you you know there's a lot of guilt around leaving her because she still had very young babies and it was really apparent for her and so but I knew it was the only way to save myself right and really to find myself was was to break and I think for a lot of us we have to break from from the chords that that keep us and and that's very very difficult thing to do. And I really have to say it it it helped me develop my soul like I really got to know myself fully within what I'm actually capable of by choosing to go and and travel I think it's therapy think oh

Malini Sarma 22:50

yes the soul oh yes I completely agree. You know you've

Unknown Speaker 22:55

been around the world

Malini Sarma 22:58

Yes. So you you left you must You must have gone like four or five years you know

Sarah Millan 23:05

less than that but i and then when I came back it was within the if you can believe it talk about divine timing and the law of you know attraction so to speak. I met my husband within two weeks not met but rekindled with him within two weeks of coming home like I was at my you know at a party at the bar university to be like, Hey, I'm home want to have a beer? And you know, this is you know, the the 90s early 2000s so it's not like you could just Facebook it and throw it

Malini Sarma 23:39

away anyone want

Sarah Millan 23:40

to join me as none of that was like a call Hey, all right, a B so i would i did that and and somehow some way he was standing in the lineup and I was just like whoa what are you doing here I'm seeing you in ages and and that was it my this The course was set for the rest and I got to then enjoy travel with him actually he came with me for a year and a half and we we sold everything we had everything we had we traveled together and gave away all our keys sublet apartments, everything cars, you name it, and then we traveled and it was we knew it would either be a make or break situation over.

Malini Sarma 24:21

That's right. No, they do say if you want to know if you're gonna you know if you guys are ready for each other you need to travel together.

Sarah Millan 24:27

Totally a lot about a person. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah. And and you know in here we are still kind of trudging along figuring it out good for you.

Malini Sarma 24:36

Because I know I know. He said he said I said where did you meet her first and he goes she was playing the bagpipes in

Sarah Millan 24:47

a way back in the day my grandfather ran the Ogden Legion pipe band and he's quite quiet has quite a knowing in the city for his volunteer and his his time that he gave to youth in the city and you know it. It's such a, it feels so good inside of our hearts on our family to know that, that that happened. Like our name kind of goes on despite us, which is really cool. But yeah, you know, it wasn't always roses like I went through, you know, maybe elementary school, I really didn't know what was happening inside of me. I just knew that this was this was a thing, but I didn't really know how to speak about it. And I wasn't really sure who to bring it up to. I'm sure I would mention it to my my uncle who I love deeply. Sean he lives out out east now and and I'm sure I said it to my aunt, she she introduced me in later years to like Louise Hay and Reiki and knowing mindset and self work and that kind of thing. my late teens, but in the in between period, like junior high, I was just lost. Like, I think I got into drugs really early. I was really numbing myself, I cried a lot. I didn't really know my belonging. And I think I think the occurrence of that wasn't just Of course, it's hormones. Yes, we all know. But but also just trying to figure out where I fit, because I really felt like I didn't fit. It just didn't know what I was compared to other people who were just kind of talking nonsense. And I didn't really want to talk nonsense. And I felt much older than my years. Well, you know, when you become the friend that everybody goes to for the thing. Right, right.

Malini Sarma 26:30

Right. Right. And

Sarah Millan 26:32

felt like that that was occurring a lot. And I didn't really know how to get out of that pattern. Mm hmm. So yeah, it was, it was a very, I guess, incredibly normal time, as a lot of people would say, but I think they don't quite understand. And what I think probably happens for a lot of parents, is they don't quite know what is as empathic as they are, and that they're really absorbing other people's thoughts and feelings. Like it's not even your own. Right. And yet, like you can go into a grocery store, and be totally fine, like, completely just, you know, doing your thing and in your zone. And then you can leave raging. What is that? You know what I mean? And you're just like taking on the world. And to learn how to how to do that differently, and how to put up boundaries for yourself and how to learn your skill sets. I think it's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, you know, and I think there's more of us out there than we give credit to. And I think culturally, we don't talk about this stuff, especially in school because it's too woowoo. But yes, quite frankly, all you have to do is change the word intuition into gut. Yeah, everyone's like, Oh, yeah, yeah. Just follow your gut. Oh, I know what that is.

Malini Sarma 27:45

Yeah.

Sarah Millan 27:46

But we don't we don't do it. We don't actually follow our gut we say we should have Oh, yeah, I should have followed my gut on that. We don't know what I mean. There's Yes. Kind of very interesting. And it's just words, we give word so much power.

Malini Sarma 28:00

Yeah. So now you're you said like your aunt, you know, she saw you struggled through, you know, your teens and your late teens and early 20s. And she was she was she really saw you, you know, like as you were trying to figure out who you were in? What was going on inside? And then she decided to take things into our own hands and help you out. Yeah, so what was that, but on top of all of that,

Sarah Millan 28:28

yeah, she did a bit of like, now I realized what was happening, she did a bit of showed me what Reiki was, and she showed me like some Body Talk work. And I think she was in a great discovery phase of her own life, because you have to remember, my mom is 15. So my aunt and I are like, we're basically attenion apart, I really not that far in right, he is more like my sister, like an older sister. So I was really lucky to, to have that around me in the dynamics of just, you know, having somebody cool to lose. And her and my uncle are just such a huge part of the way I was raised. And, and yeah, and they both had their own like he he would speak through the language of music, you know, he always had really good records going and it was show me about bands and like, this is what this music feels like, can feel that like, cool, you know, that kind of stuff. And then she was kind of explaining to me how how it works through her own process of self healing and reading all these books. And she's like, Well, let me show you and then she would lie down. She'd be like, Dad, do you feel that like, and I'm gonna, like, pull on this and be like, I think so. But then over time, it felt right, like, everything that was occurring there. And it didn't feel outlandish. It didn't feel strange. It actually felt like coming home home, right? Yeah. And that's when I knew there's something here, here. But of course, as always in your 20s as I did, and when we do, I denied it. And, you know, I moved away from it as hard and fast as I could because that's not what the world tells you that tells you to go to school. Get a degree You know, work and and just you know, the more corporate you can be, the more successful you are and away you go. But you know that that was very basic way fundamentally of my parents hopefully being proud of me, which is just the people pleaser inside of me, I think that they would have been proud of anything that I put myself to my mother for sure. And, you know, in the end, I ended up going and doing my degree and design degree and in commercial advertising, and that's what felt right. And I have to tell you, that led me to what I do now for a living like, oh,

Malini Sarma 30:38

needed to have everything you do is prepare you for the next big project. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 30:45

Yeah.

Sarah Millan 30:46

Isn't that great? No, I keep thinking about the right now. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, what could possibly go beyond this? Exciting, right, yeah, that's how it works.

Malini Sarma 30:57

So what How was it? What was your experience? Like, when you were mean, advertising for you to start your own business? What now? What was that transition?

Sarah Millan 31:05

Yeah. So you know, it's a hard, fast industry. And I never felt like I belonged there. And I realized very quickly, I loved getting and going to art school and getting my degree and being a part of that culture. I felt very right to me. And it was very actually competitive, insanely competitive, actually, a lot of staying overnight at school, trying to make crits and time you know, things like that. And if you didn't, you're booted out, like you just you're out the program.

Unknown Speaker 31:32

Wow,

Sarah Millan 31:32

it was very hard, actually, to make it to the very end, I think there's only 13 of us who graduated from that program, no, waiting. No, you know, it wasn't necessarily difficult. So like, we're learning something like you becoming a surgeon, etc. But and it was just, it was really about time management and authenticity, saw right through you if you weren't authentic about your work, and you didn't know how to defend your work, and a lot of ways they would rip you apart. Like that's actually how it worked. Wow. And oh, yeah, that that's it in a nutshell. And so you had to become very centered in your why. And that's what I learned through through that those school years. And then becoming a photographer, I found it really interesting that when I was in photo sessions with people, whether it be for headshots or for their businesses, I loved working with with women entrepreneurs, that was like my favorite favorite thing to do, these very soulful conversations would arise. And I realized very quickly, I had an ability to ask the right questions. And others might not be asking from the same heartspace you know, from that same need to know this person actually see them, not just about what they do, or talking, you know, around the topic, but like cutting right to it. And their sessions would always end up incredible because actually, in their portraits, the soul would show up, like you would be very yourself and they would be these incredible, incredibly beautiful images. Wow. And that kept occurring for me, the more and more I would allow the opportunity to chat and talk and what I realized was I enjoyed that much more than I enjoyed the process of the the images and taking the images and I have to be very, very truthful and candid here I developed a an eye condition. If you have years ago that actually allow that forced me to have to stop doing photography, or else I really would still be doing it but I do have partial blindness. So it really takes a lot for me to sit in front of a screen at all, let alone edit, etc. And behind a lens and flashes and things. Interestingly, I became kind of the blind photographer. Oh, okay, which is very interesting, because then it forced me into my other senses Yes. But also to have to speak differently and create differently beyond what I was doing for a living and I remember going through quite a bit of grief around that you know, like Who am I now and I did this degree and now I'm not using it and you know, the How dare use came out you know, the gesture to my inner critic right she she had a lot to say you know about you know, how How could you let this happen you know, in your eyes to feel your body failed you you know all this stuff that went on? Well it's fascinating the world of failure

Malini Sarma 34:32

don't Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. So that so that's how you that's how you ended up starting your own? Did you actually start doing it though or was there a period of time when you were doing it but nobody was paying you and then you finally

Sarah Millan 34:47

want to pay for like seven years? I know. People Yeah, cuz I, I vowed that so I took every possible course I could get my hands on that ever was like if you name it, I probably done it. And I tried to Figure out what what is me and what is not me because I figured very quickly that I think that I'm something else. I don't know what that thing is, but I'm not quite this, you know, into, like the real woowoo world of, you know, crystals and making jewelry or something like that. But I'm also not just this kind of black and white human who divides itself based on its beliefs. So I call myself I'm the person who helps others live on the bridge. Right, because I really believe that it's just about showing up where you are. And there's some days where I am very much in my, my abilities, and how thickness and I'm able to sit with people from really from their soul level and, and explore with them because what I fundamentally do for a living with soul collective, and why I called it soul collective is that I just want people to know that to be awakened your life doesn't have to be an alone experience. And so if if you're at all feeling awake, feeling like you're seeing yourself from a different perspective, or a different lens, and that other people around you maybe or not, and you're frustrated with those conversations, will I become a space where you can kind of introspectively discover yourself more pointedly and, and allow all of you at the table? Gotcha. Because Because that's the key is your humanity, and your blackened whiteness and your beliefs and routes along they belong to it's not a one way street with spirituality, it's it's not a one way street with empathy with being an empath there has to be this union, right between your human and and your heart, you know, and the soul of you, there has to be this ability, but it's important to, to drive home the why of my business, because I don't want people I also had this. So I was in the spiritual closet for like, eight years. Like, really, and I just was so so terrified to tell my family, really even my mother in law, like everyone, what I really am doing in the background, while I was running this design business, and building websites, and taking photographs and helping entrepreneurs, etc. I was in the background building something that is currently called, so we'll collect. Yeah. And that was happening despite me, like, I couldn't help myself, I would be so driven to try this on or do that? Or can you know, asking for it, can you come over, and I'm just gonna try this thing out that I've been trying dabbling in, or, you know, things like that. And even with close friends, they had no idea that I would like even high school friends and stuff is really still recently at a couple of Christmas parties in the last five years that they've been like, so yeah, I'm sorry. So what do you know? Like, they really don't. And, and it's tough, right? Because they may, they might not get it, maybe they don't get it and right. I've, I've learned the boundary of I am only going to really explain myself. If it truly has meaning, because I'm not standing in this space with all of me welcome at my own table for you sit there and judge it.

Malini Sarma 38:18

Right? This topic of conversation just for, you know, for that for that point in time, and then they move on to the next one.

Sarah Millan 38:26

So okay, I know I can read people, and I know how far they're willing to go in their own fear around what I am exactly which actually, I'm just a girl who can feel the world. And I often say I'm a girl who didn't know and then she did.

Malini Sarma 38:43

I like that.

Unknown Speaker 38:45

Yeah, I mean, truly

Unknown Speaker 38:48

awesome.

Sarah Millan 38:48

somewhere in the middle, you become a woman and then you roar.

Malini Sarma 38:52

Yes, absolutely. So so you, I love the fact that you said you was spacemaker. And, you know, you figured out how to marry that like the intuitive skill, like, you know, and the business skill, like they call gut right into a concept. Not everybody can understand. So now have you had like, people call you in for like business negotiations and say, Hey,

Unknown Speaker 39:17

I need you

Malini Sarma 39:18

to sit here and you know, or you know, like, or you're like, you need to tell me what's going on here. And how can we get this guy to change his mind? What is he thinking and why speak it? Oh my god, can you imagine? The advantage they would have they had somebody who could tell him exactly why people are doing what they're doing.

Sarah Millan 39:35

Yeah, that's exactly what I do. And and I help people you know, understand that in their relationships around them. I help people understand why they have attracted this person into their life. Like what is the purpose of this because everything has great purpose. It does. It's not just it's not for nothing. I know we can say that in the most positive light, but we can also speak to this in a negative way. I also went Through abuse and all kinds of things. And I can look back on that with an open heart and say the same that purpose, I wouldn't be who I am, in this moment to really roar and be sitting on this podcast without that, right? It's fundamentally given me exactly what I need to do. And that's a gift. As far as I'm concerned, it's a gift, it doesn't mean that it hasn't been incredibly difficult, right? There's a lot of, I am a big advocate for therapy. And I'm a big advocate for owning your feelings and naming them and claiming them and doing the inner work. And that's why I got into mindfulness. And I teach a lot of mindfulness in the workplace and do a lot of volunteering in the community, etc, and hosting different like how to meditate. I really started meditating, because I was so I was a worrywart, right, and worried about everything for every reason. And I was finding it was really it was affecting my day to day and I was becoming answer my pants, and I was getting really anxious. And I was waking up at night. And I thought, there's got to be a better way to live. You know, there just has to be a better way to this. And you know, we can sit there quickly and judge meditation and say, Oh, this isn't working. It's not my thing. Right? It's, it's like any skill, you're not going to create your first painting and then go, Oh, this is crap. I'm never doing it again. I mean, some people do, because it's called patience. Right? Right. But if you're an advocate for really wanting something to change, then you'll stay. And you'll choose to stay in the room. Even if you don't know what the hell you're doing. Just stay right through to the end, and you just never know.

Malini Sarma 41:37

Yeah, stick it to the cause. Stick it, stick stick. Stick it to it stick to itiveness. You know, yeah,

Sarah Millan 41:47

I call us to stay. Getting an advocate for stay like, and I've often said this for my people out there, you know, try one thing before you change it all right, way, walk into the room, and before you change the furniture, metaphorically speaking, of course, change the energy in the room first, right, and then choose how the furniture might get rearranged? You know, just just try you first, how are you showing up in your energy in that room? Mm hmm. And begin then. And this is a lot to be said for business? You know, it's, it's how I help. I do a lot of them, you know, in small business, helping people that who they hire, right, I'm very much a part of the hiring process for a lot of small businesses. Okay, a lot of money to train and a lot of time and energy into who and how and what and become a a helpful tool for people to who are trying to orient their team, you know, in a certain kind of an energy for their team frequency is? Or how does it feel it's called culture? And how does it feel when you're in the room with those people? Right? intuition, that energy work, man, like, you can call again, we're just giving words power. Right?

Malini Sarma 43:07

Exactly.

Sarah Millan 43:08

So this stuff works, whether you are running your own business, or whether you're working on yourself, and even if I sit with an entrepreneur who wants to work on their business, I will always begin on the inside, we have to start with us. And then we build out. Right? Are the business, right? What's going on for you? And how are you showing up in your relationships? But just also, how are you showing up for yourself? Right, and likely, you're just way, you know, you're afraid to actually be the measure of your success, because you know, that there is a power within you.

Malini Sarma 43:42

And yes,

Sarah Millan 43:42

what if, what if it actually worked?

Malini Sarma 43:45

Right? What if you became, you became all the things that you know,

Unknown Speaker 43:49

then what

Unknown Speaker 43:51

is,

Sarah Millan 43:52

that's a big part of it is, you know, what, your class or intuition, we stuff it down our gut sense or our ability to be like, Oh, I think this is actually I'm really terrified of this. Oh, well, then I think you're onto something is what I often say, Oh,

Malini Sarma 44:06

yes. Oh, yes. You're not scared. And there's something wrong? Mm hmm. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So looking at, you know, you, there's so many young people, we look at you and they following you, and they want to be like you and when you use your help. So

Unknown Speaker 44:21

what if you

Malini Sarma 44:22

wanted to if you wanted to give them you know, advice in based on all your journey and all the things that you've been through in finding yourself and trusting your gut?

Unknown Speaker 44:32

gut? What,

Malini Sarma 44:34

what are the top three things that you would you would tell?

Sarah Millan 44:38

Yeah, I, you know, this is a really, that's a good question. Um, you know, I have to be an advocate for owning our own power. You know, and I would say, don't give your power away. But I think it's really easy to say that and a lot harder to do that in the action space when we advocate for ourselves when we're young. Because we we just want people to want us, right, and especially through your 20s, we want so deeply to belong. And, you know, so I guess I would rephrase it to say that everything is in its divine time. Be patient with yourself. And trust the fact that it shows up when you're ready. Whether that be the person, a lot of people ask me, am I going to find my person? And I will ask them back, what if you are your person? Ooh, and then that person shows up, and they're just gravy,

Malini Sarma 45:36

right?

Sarah Millan 45:36

You know that that's the attunement that I have, and everything comes in the time that it's allotted. So giving yourself some grace, allow it to happen, as opposed to controlling it towards it. It's a very different space and, you know, manifestation. It really only happens when we advocate and speak to the fear of what is keeping us away from that thing in the first place.

Unknown Speaker 46:03

Okay, you know,

Sarah Millan 46:04

and then another one I would say is sometimes not knowing is a big part of the knowing, oh, okay, walking around our world with the uncertainties and the head scratching, that's a fundamental part of your growth,

Malini Sarma 46:22

right?

Sarah Millan 46:23

It's okay to be where you are, and head scratch and not know, and trust it. Because something is being is percolating beneath that not knowing when you some form of a knowing it's coming, right? it'll, it'll come to you in that kind of like, moment of being like, oh, wow, okay, I guess that's what I'm going to do. Or you just go ahead and buy the ticket, or you roll yourself into that program, or you just do it. And that's, that's the other thing is to remember that your life is happening. For the third one is, you know, your life is happening right now. Right. And to practice, if you can, gosh, I wish I had had this in my early 20s, you know, differently than I do now. But to actually practice presence, not throwing your brain not letting the brain bring you the bone, you know, because the brain is just trained to do you know, like a dog. If you teach it to fetch, it will fetch that's what the brain does is programmed, though, to practice actually being present is really a skill. Wow. And to not think, into the future from the past. That's actually incredibly difficult to do. Because the brain will want to give us information, right of what's coming be from what it knows, it only gives you what it knows.

Malini Sarma 47:44

Right?

Sarah Millan 47:45

So then it's only giving you what's already happened.

Unknown Speaker 47:48

Mm hmm.

Sarah Millan 47:48

So in a way, when we think we've got the answer to something, it's actually giving us something that we've already done from our past past. That's what's safe.

Unknown Speaker 47:58

Ah, gotcha.

Unknown Speaker 47:59

Yep.

Sarah Millan 48:00

You know, so, practicing, not necessarily buying into your thoughts, because let's face it, they're just thoughts. And we have 50,000 of them a day. Yeah, there's a lot of chatter going on in there. But actually just giving ourselves the opportunity to practice. I am here. I am breathing right now. And then you round at one thing in your life that you have gratitude for one damn thing. Yeah. Yeah, gratitude is I think it's I think it's the recipe for love. Mm hmm.

Unknown Speaker 48:34

Yes. grace.

Unknown Speaker 48:36

Grace. Yes. Yes.

Malini Sarma 48:39

Absolutely. No, this is this is really good. This is good stuff. So um, you you have a website, you have a podcast, you have a lot of programs, you helping a lot of people.

Sarah Millan 48:49

Yeah, I have almost 500 clients around the world. Wow. And I sit I do session, I call them soul sessions. Because the way I advocate for the soul is, you know, we can go into all kinds of spiritual, pragmatic things to talk about here. But at the end of the day, the soul is the spark, soul. Passion, the soul is the thing you forgot to bring with you. All is, you know, I'm always an advocate for saying, it's the Jewish it's that it's that space between the spaces that really that that fundamental joy or something, you know, it's that big belly laugh. Oh, no, it's been a while for us during COVID to really give to a belly laugh because I think we deeply connect to others and this has become quite a crotchety time for a lot of us, you know, and yeah, I have to everything is a half to well, you have to wear masks. You have to do this. You have to and and we we don't like the unknown. It's it's it really discredits everything from what we've advocated for in our lives. And we've worked hard, especially small business to be where we are and then it all seems like it's just swept away by a big wave, you know? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, you've got to trust the Creator. tivity of you and the power that you have behind it, you know, this is absolutely occurring with great purpose. And we get to drive ourselves from a space of creativity because of it. I mean, what if that was what comes of this is we don't we're not just adaptable, because damn we are. And also we're resourceful. Creating new things constantly. You see them everywhere. All right, incredible.

Malini Sarma 50:24

Oh, yeah, in this podcast. came. I love it. So yeah, it's the COVID baby pod. Yeah, it is a COVID. Baby.

Unknown Speaker 50:32

Oh, it's awesome. So you guys, I tell. You want to tell people out there about your website and your programs. And

Sarah Millan 50:40

yeah, you bet. Yeah. So my website is soul. S O UL collective YYCY yc is the city I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, I am a Canadian gal. And it's dot com. So soul collective yyc dot com. And if you go there, I've got a, an intuition challenge for you, if you're interested for the listeners out there. So it's all collective yyc.com, backslash, roar, all caps. And that is in honor of you, my dear for your roaring podcast, and thank Q, I really am fundamentally a huge advocate for working on our intuition and really honing the skill of that just like you would work out, you know, and use your muscles, I think that we can just take the 10 day challenge and if it if it feels right to partake, get in there and you know, throw yourself in and just see where it gets you. And there's some really great little nuggets in there about what what really is intuition? And how do I show up in it? And how do I go forward with it. And the one thing that I absolutely advocate for if you're at all curious and more deeply wanting to connect with yourself is to is to join the academy group, I have a soul Academy group that I run two different programs, and everyone can join, it's month to month, and there's a different kind of soulful, or spiritual or mindset or celebrated, very introspective topic, every month that I bring to the table and we just we work on ourselves and we work on our relationships, and we work on our spirituality and we work on advocating for more and it's it's there, if you're an entrepreneur, you're a stay at home mom, it's for everyone. It's really this this space where you can feel like you belong. And you don't have to be something that you aren't in that space, you actually get to ask weird and wild questions, you get to advocate for yourself, you get to, to say out loud, I don't really know where I fit. Because Hey, I'm right over here. Not really no fit. So I created soul collective because I wanted a place where I belong. And so I thought screw this, I'm going to make my own

Unknown Speaker 52:51

good beer.

Sarah Millan 52:54

And it feels right, you know, and I love living on the bridge. I love being you know, super practical. And I you know that I swear. And I do things that I mean, I'm not I'm a spiritual guide, yes, but I also drink wine. You're welcome. And then sometimes we swing way into the other side, on a woowoo conversations and deep rooted wise and how I feel in my heart and what I'm advocating for. And this is really good too, for parents who are trying to figure out their their very empathic children or kids who just are highly sensitive, you know, and how do we help them move through the world?

Malini Sarma 53:30

Right. You know,

Unknown Speaker 53:32

I've been one again.

Malini Sarma 53:34

This is this is great. Sarah, if they wanted to get a hold of you, you're also on Instagram. Soul collective YYC.

Sarah Millan 53:42

Okay, soul collective yyc. I'd love the follow. And yeah, big advocate for you for the roar, for the change and for really honoring, you know, the fear, because I think that when we can talk about fear, then we can dismantle it. And I know that's why you built this podcast. Yes. That's why I became what I am is because I was quite terrified of my gifts. And so I thought if I can learn them in a different way, and hone my skill and help, because of them, then I can take apart that fear. And the fear rose me into who I am today. And I'm so grateful that I followed it through regardless of wanting to crapped my pants half the time. You know. It's scary out there. How you put yourself out there and and I feel like every time I put a post out on the internet, and on social media, I feel like I lift my skirt, you know, like

Malini Sarma 54:37

vulnerable, really? Yes, everybody knows about you. I

Unknown Speaker 54:42

still Lordy.

Malini Sarma 54:43

I still struggle with that. I have to I have to commend you because you're like on, you know, you have your video on and I'm like, I still can't I still can't put my picture out there. Like I need to work on that. But yeah, and it does

Sarah Millan 54:56

take a lot of courage. You know, and like I said in that video You know, the three tips for people that that want about advocating for your divine timing, and I really believe that everything is in its own time. And if you can't turn that video on, don't we can hear you just fine. You know, as you practice because everything's practice, right? As you practice, all of a sudden, one day, you'll turn it on, and then you won't look back. And that's how it really kind of happened for me with these skill sets is I just kept relentlessly and unforgiving Lee and unapologetically practicing it, regardless of how scared I was, and terrified to tell my family, but in the end, it's worked out, you know,

Malini Sarma 55:37

that's great. That's great. I'm so glad I got to meet you and talk to you about this. Because this is this is so amazing. I'm sure we you're gonna have quite a few fans, but

Unknown Speaker 55:48

this one

Sarah Millan 55:50

really happy to have been here. You know, any amount of self trust that I can support for the people are people out there on the planet, these beautiful humans just trying to make their way. I'm there for you, like I am so there for you. And at the end of the day, you know, around us, we're just trying to walk each other home.

Malini Sarma 56:09

That's right. That's absolutely right. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time. I know it's been a crazy week for both you and me. But thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I really do appreciate it.

Sarah Millan 56:22

Anytime, girl. I'm around. All right. All right. We will chat again soon. Thanks. We will

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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This podcast showcases women, predominantly women of color, who in spite of their fear, are forging ahead, chasing their dreams and becoming stronger.

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Malini Sarma

Malini Sarma

Your Host

Hello. I am Malini. I am a dancer, world traveler and storyteller. I am a hard core fan of chai and anything hot. I am always looking for new adventures and would rather be outside than inside.

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